Ladies Love Assholes

"Take that off man you like a douche." His eyes scanned him up and down assesing his friend's current state and reinforcing the previous comment. "Whaaaat you're crazy man chicks love shit like this." He said as he tried to flatten out his wrinkled shirt that read, "Who wants to get pregnant?" "That is one of the most insulting shirts I have ever seen." Jacob was dressed casually, his lankey frame draped with a button up shirt and a pair of jeans. Not anything flashy, it was like the party uniform, there would be many more just like him and this made him feel comfortable. Conforming to the masses was better than standing out and looking like an ass he said to himself. "Stop being a fucking feminist, this shit is just asking a simple question. It's not a demand, jesus, so prissy tonight." "I am just saying that is a pretty bad shirt for this party, we don't even know Sarah that well." He did know her pretty well, at least in college terms, a couple classes together, a couple of hours of studying together and one extracuricular activity like getting coffee pretty much meant they were good friends now. He just didn't like Marcus' shirt. "You just fucking watch dude when i roll up in this piece those bitches will be screaming at me, ooh me, no pick me, pleeease impregnate me, then I'll be like oooh yeaaah you want a bebe, then come to daddy yeeehaaaa, you just watch dude." As he played out this scene he had done the high pitch voice for the girls and waved his hands in the air like a young Japanese girl who had just spotted her favorite pop star. Before going into the acting out of doing a girl from behind while swinging his arm in the air like he was twirling a lasso. "Haha yeah we'll see." He had to laugh but he didn't want to condone his behavior, what the hell am I supposed to do he said to himself, this is my life, my friends are morons. "How much farther is this place man, I can't smell any pussy yet, I thought you said it was close." They had only been walking for two minutes and the place was only about a mile from their other friend's place. Marcus was just like that, are we there yet? Jacob thought he might have a.d.d., but then again he also thought everybody his age had a.d.d. "Calm down we're almost there, and just out of curiosity do you think that girls want to be with an asshole? Like I know that's just how you are but do you think you chose this role at some point because you thought it would get you more play or why are u like that?" That was probably the most serious question he had ever asked him, they usually just got drunk and talked about sports or chicks, nothing philispohical or meaningful. Jacob wasn't neutered, though he was just more subdued. They made a strange team these two, one so loud and braggadocious the other quiet and introspective. But college makes for strange relationships and beer was the only thing they needed to have in common. "What the fuck are you talking about man, why are you the way you are wahhh you sound like doctor Phil, fat fucker." This didn't answer the question but Jacob left it alone Soon they came upon the house, the lawn was littered with red dixie cups and the sounds of some dance music floated above the fence in the backyard. They followed the tiki torchs around the side of the house and entered through a wooden gate. There was a large amount of people, no one was dancing and no one rasied their hand to invite Marcus to impregante them. They saw the line for the keg and headed in that direction, squeezing through groups of people having seperate conversations from the people they stood right next to. Scattered social groupings that rarely mingled, the parties consisted more of coming with some people, standing around and drinking with those same people, while looking at other people and the friends they had come with. Once in line they both turned around and scoped out the scene. "We should have brought our own beer man, I hate this shit." Jacob said as he peered over his shoulder eyeing the masses for a familiar face. "Didn't i say that earlier asshole, always bring your own shit, good thing we pre-partied at chad's." Jacob couldn't believe that Marcus could be so comfortable in that shirt. It was bright red with the question printed in large white letters, where the hell do you even find a shirt like that he thought. "Yeah I am still buzzing a little, what kind of beer you think they have." "Probably some fucking natty or miller light, I dunno is this bitch rich?" "Uhhh actually I have no idea, but even rich people don't buy expensive beer for hella people they don't know." "Then why are u asking man it's gonna be shitty beer, it's a fucking kegger, quanity over quality." Marcus smiled as he said this as if this was his life's mantra. After they had filled their cups they migrated to a less densly populated area of the yard, taking a step back from the masses of youth that bundled into big mob of red cups and boisterous yells. "You see anything promising?" Jacob asked, he knew he was asking for more than he wanted but there wasn't anyone else around them and they still hadn't found their other friend's so Marcus was the only person he could talk to. "Nah these girls look to bougie, you know those stuck up broads." Marcus said, a little more subdued in the presence of others. His brash talk reserved for those he knew would not take him that seriously. "Where are the ladies with their hands up buddy haha?" Jacob taunted him knowing that Marcus had a way better chance of getting a girl that night than he did. "Give it some time, I just gotta find that sad girl, that one with the low self esteem, those are the easiest ones to pick off." He laughed as he said this knowing that it was wrong but also knowing that he had pulled the same sort of thing on several occassions. "Haha that's fucked up man, so you see the limping rabbit and just run up on it and shoot it in the head? Wow you are such an asshole." Jacob said this as he mulled over the fact that he wished he could be more like him. Not to such an extreme he thought but, he did need a little more asshole in him he thought. Jacob had not had many relationships and had only had sex a handful of times. He always sent out the friend vibe, that puppy dogs and ice cream kinda feel. The asshole vibe definetly got more results, but from what kind of people he wondered. Nice guys finish last rattled in his head as he looked at marcus bobbing his head and tipping back his cup, completley unaware of the shirt and anything that he didn't want to see. Everything was gravy for Marcus, girls came easily, schoolwork wasn't stressed over, Marcus was one happy asshole. "Hey I see Sarah let's go say what's up." Jacob said as he started walking towards the house. Alright, tell her to introduce me to some of her special lady friends." Marcus said grinning as he sauntered after Jacob. "Hey Sarah what's up, you look good tonight" Jacob said blushing a little. "Ohh you made it Jacob, thanks you know I dressed up for you haha." Jacob wished she hadn't laughed after she said that. "Hey this is my friend Marcus, Marcus Sarah, Sarah, Marcus." He also wished he would have said something clever to hint at the fact that he wished she wouldn't have laughed. He wondered what Marcus would have said. Damn right bitch you better dress up for daddy, or hey why bother with clothes we both know we won't be needing them later tonight, u naw mean? Maybe not that forward, maybe something in his voice but less platonic than normal, well you look beautiful as always kinda made sense but he didn't want to sound like a pussy, people always know what they should have said a couple hours after it happens, it will come to me later, but that's no good he thought he should have done it then. "Nice to meet you" Marcus said as he grabbed her hand. "Nice to meet you too" Sarah said her eyes squarely on Marcus. "So we were having a debate on the way over here, maybe you can help us out, Jacob here was being a little feminazi and saying my shirt was insulting or some shit, so what does a lovely lady like yourself think, you know any takers?" As he said this Marcus flashed his smile, his teeth showing, saying I am not a friend I am a possibility. Jacob cringed feeling embarrased. He began to apologize but Sarah began to speak. "Well it's pretty early I'm sure that there will be some takers later, haha, I love that shirt, it's hilarious. Where did you get it?" Jacob was stunned but he should have known better, whatever Marcus did the girls loved him. He imagined if he was wearing the shirt Sarah would have slapped him. "Umm I actually don't remember, somewhere classy though." Marcus took a sip from his cup after winking at Sarah. Jacob wanted to know if the thick layers of cheese would be off putting. "Right only the classiest places sell shirts like that, you're funny." Sarah said, was she flirting with him? Jacob thought maybe he should something overly masculine to try and garner more of her attention. Should he smash a beer can on his forehead? Maybe roll up his sleeves and flex while looking her up and down and licking his lips? Does this kind of shit really work? He had always heard the theory that confidence was a really powerful quality when it came to attraction but he also thought there was a thin line between confidence and cockiness. Sarah must be able to tell that Marcus is an asshole, or is that just the thing, was this a clear cut example of the asshole at work? Attracting girls like white trash to mcribs? "So Jake what have you been up to, I've missed seeing you on campus." Sarah said returning to Jacob who had to leave his thoughts and return to the party. "Oh you same ol same ol, just work and class, what have you been up to?" He should have said that he missed seeing her too. Instead his answers displayed little confidence and came out hushed comapred to the volume of the party. Sarah leaned in closer to him, turning her ear so that it was closer to Jacob's mouth. "What? Sorry I didn't hear you." Jacob was close to her ear now and caught the light scent of her hair. He leaned in closer like he had a secert just for her, the situation making him feel like he was in elementary school again. "Oh I said that I miss seeing you around to, we should get together more, maybe catch a movie or go to dinner." Jacob recoiled from her ear soon after saying this. His face felt flush and his ears were heating up. He hadn't expected to say such things but he was glad that he had put it out there. He looked at Marcus who cluelessly panned the crowd and sipped from his red cup. "Jake" Sarah said giving him a playful nudge, "Are you asking me out on a date?" Was she flirting with him he thought? She smiled at him and he read it as a good sign. He leaned back in to share more secrets, when he could have just spoken louder. "Well...what if I am?" He stood attentive preparing for whatever she may say. "Well if you are then I would say yes, I think that would be fun." "Ok then yeah I am asking you out on a date." "Jake you are too cute, so proper, alright we'll have to set that up, stay here, I'm gonna go get another drink." She dissappeared into the crowd and Jacob sighed in relief. "So what's up dude was she jocking me or what?" Marcus said suddenly cloer to Jacob. "Actually she just agreed to go out to dinner with me." Jacob replied a little cocky. "Ahh nice one buddy, she's a keeper, I would do her for sure." Marcus raised his cup in cheers and Jacob appeased him. "I'm sure you would Marcus." Jacob was actually glad that Marcus was there, if not for him he might not have ever asked her on a date. He was spurred into action by Marcus' presence, the threat of him. The possible flirting and Uhhhhhhhhhh I dunno what I just did to this, I think it might be better if Marcus takes sara and Jacob is just stuck being the nice guy I'm not sure though, just bored at work and thought this one could start moving somewhere, I think I might have been wrong