Give Thanks Bitches

How were your holidays? Well I guess holiday. I guess Thanksgiving would be more to the point. Sorry about giving you the run around I need to be more direct in my questioning. I need to stop being so feeble and demand answers instead of politley inquiring about such things. Because as we all know showing weakness will eventually lead to a mutiny and those are never good. Unless you are part of the mutiny and you are overthrowing a crazy dictator type who wears a monocle and jabs you in the ribs with his cane while ordering you to sing Judy Garland showtunes and churn butter. That's when mutinys are ok in my book.

Do monocles always make you think of Mr. Peanut? So after I worte that last sentence about Mr. Peanut I tried finding a picture of Mr. Peanut and stumbled across this madness. Click this link and make Mr. Peanut dance, http://www.planters.com/dancing/ Why is he dancing? I have no idea, it doesn't make me want to eat peanuts, but it does make me hate Mr. Peanut. Damn you, Mr. Peanut with your style, class, obvious wealth, and undeniable rhythm. I am jealous. Whenever I try and do outdated dances from the nineties I always incur the wrath of the room. The scorn of the cool people. You make getting jiggy with it an art form, I dare them to laugh at you. It will only show their own lack of style and sophistication. Or as you dear sir would call it Sophistifunk.

Ok so back to the holiday of thanksgiving. I feel like Americans have too many holidays. Or maybe not too many but too many that are undeserving. I mean, I am all for as many holidays as we can make up, but some of them just seem to celebrate historical atrocities. Thanksgiving is a very nice idea but how long did these people actually give thanks to the native americans before they slaughtered them and stole their land? Was it just that one year after they saved their asses from the cold and harsh winters in their new land? After they got set up they just said fuck it, we don't need those damn injuns anymore, we can now feed ourselves. The way it is now people just say things they are thankful for in the present day. It doesn't even relate back to the first winter here or the people that insured the survival of these first americans. It's all about Timmy being thankful for his cat or Jenny being thankful for the block, wait what? Nevermind I am just saying that all of the holidays have little to nothing to do with why they were first created.

Colombus day is probably one of the worst ones. I mean i don't ever remember paying respect to him for discovering America, all I know is that I get a day off and I am all about days off. But really now, this guy was lost. He didn't even know where he was, and even when they told him he was still talking about it being somewhere else. Granted he probably didn't understand what they were saying but I don't know if he ever knew where he ended up. So this guy gets lost, starts calling the natives indians and then starts claming their land and enslaving them. Now that is what I call reason for a celebration. Am I right? Let us forever commerorate the enslaving of these peoples and the stealing of their land. Awesome guys, keep up the good work. In the meanwhile I will just relax and be thankful for my day off.