""When you look at me do you automatically assume that I know Karate?" He looked straight at his two friends waiting for a response.
"Nah man I know you cant fight for shit" one of them replied laughing.
"No seriously if you didnt know me and you just saw me walking down the street would you assume that I knew karate, had a small penis, and spoke with an accent?"
"What the fuck are you talking about man?" College is fucking with your head." His two friends looked at each other confused, wondering where all of this was coming from. "If I saw you walking down the street I would think that you didn't have an accent because of the way you dress, one of them remarked."
"Yeah you dress like a white person", the other one added smiling. First off I dont even want to think about your penis size, and well I might, nah I wouldn't assume that you knew karate."
"You dont look like you know karate, you look like a little Asian bitch in Gap clothes." One of the friends said, as he punched him in the arm.
Chase rubbed his arm, "These aren't from Gap man, they're from Banana Republic, get it straight slut face."
"Shut the fuck up, whatever they are they're white people clothes." Brian snickered as he reached for his drink.
"Well what should I wear to be more Asian, asshole? Should I walk around in a fucking rice hat and a kimono?" Chase fired back.
"What the fuck is a rice hat?" Brian asked.
"It's like the hat that Raiden wears on Mortal Kombat, you know that basket shit." Will responded.
"Wasn't that fool white on that game?" Brian said his mouth full with the last slice of pizza.
"Yeah he was but he was supposed to be Asian, in the movie they made him a fucking surfer dude with white hair, he was played by that guy from Highlander." Chase added as he chuckled. "Fucking bullshit, god damn white guy playing the Japanese god of thunder, ridculous."
"Whoa there, kill whitey, why don't you calm down, you come back from college some hella Asian, white hating political activist. It's just a god damn game," Brian teased.
"Nah it's not that big of a deal, but I did learn some shit in college, I don't know I have just been thinking about some shit." Chase said as he stared past his two friends and into the parking lot of the strip mall, where they were eating.
He was back from college for Thanksgiving. a small city near Portland, called Plentiful Fruit valley. There wasn't any fruit, let alone plentiful fruit, and they weren't even in a valley. Despite its lack of fruit, the city did have an extremley large police force for such a small area and a mall that, like the city itself aspired to be much more than it was. The mall was only one story high and even with its renovation and remodeling still looked more like an office building than a mall. The city took too much pride in its new status as a city. They called the area that the mall resided in downtown. It used to be just two main streets that went through the center of their tiny town. But the new chamber of commerce and city hall were too into the idea of a city and they added horrific statues on the medians and planted palm trees to go with the banners they put on every light pole. They also incorporated all of the strip malls in the area into a giant faction called the Town Square Center. Which not only was a redundant name but grossly exaggerated the connectedness of the random stores and shops that inhabited this area. Chase, Brian, and Will were currently eating lunch at the pizza place within the Town Square Center. Chase thought about all of this while Will and Brian joked to each other about their waitress and what they would do to her if she were in their bed.
Chase had been born and raised in this city and it played a large role in shaping the person that he was. His neighbors were Mormon and his family was the only Asian one on their cul-de-sac. His high school was mostly white, with lots of Russians, scattered Mexicans and blacks, and virtually no other Asians. In high school, he ran with the mostly white student government and jock crew. He was popular, voted class clown, homecoming and prom king. No one ever seemed to make an issue out of the fact that he was Asian. He was always accepted, never made an outsider. He identified more with the whites than the Asians. The Asians in Valley (short for plentiful fruit valley) were either really studious and introverted or poor and lived in the worst part of town. He had tried to hang out with them in elementary school, but they just didn't click. His parents made lots of money while other Asians lived in dirty apartments with broken down cars in their front yards. They brought dry ramen packages to school for lunch while he ate Wheat Thins and peanut butter and jelly. Chase lived in the typical suburban house; the lawn was green and trimmed. A giant oak tree stood in the front yard and the two-story house was freshly painted and welcoming. It looked like it would have a white picket fence and it screamed little league and soccer mom. When you looked at his house you expected to see a minivan pull up and a little girl-playing hop scotch while a thirty something father mowed the lawn, waving to every car as it passed by.
All of his friends whether they were white or not acted white. He had an Indian friend that he had known since kindergarten; he acted white, just like his Mexican friend and his black friend. Maybe it wasn't acting white, it was just acting suburban. His Indian friend's parents were actually ethnic. Their house had shrines to their God and it smelled like curry as soon as you walked in the door. The sofas were covered in plastic and there was always some kind of Indian food on the counter. They looked and dressed Indian. They even spoke their native tongue. Yet even though his friend was first generation he still managed to become extremely Americanized. He wore Nikes, Calvin Klein cologne, and responded to his parents in English. Ralph Lauren and Abercrombie were their shields against attacks on their ethnicity. They played the role, and they were accepted in the white's eyes. No accents, spiked hair, and Gap clothing, that's all one needed to get in. They had always been surrounded by whites, at their birthday parties, in their classrooms, and in their neighborhoods. Maybe the way they were dealt more with pop culture than it did with race. They had all grown up on MTV, and American culture was all they knew, it was their culture too. Maybe it was just natural for their ethnicity to fade away in suburbia. What did you expect, they couldn't be ghetto, they couldn't be country and they weren't metropolitan. How did one act Asian or ethnic anyways, he thought.
He was fourth generation Japanese. His mom and dad didn't speak Japanese and his Grandma didn't even have an accent. They wore shoes in their house and it didn't smell like mothballs. His mom had grown up in a hick town with one stoplight. It was called Chowchilla and every year her town had a stampede through the streets and a barn dance. Their only claim to fame was possessing a certain kind of rock formation, called a cross rock and being home to a woman's prison. In that kind of environment it was hard to hold on to your cultural identity. They had let it fade and Chase was left with an even more depleted sense of self. He ate rice everyday and he knew certain Japanese phrases like yakimashi, hakujin and baka. But he certainly was not the stereotypical Asian. He had never had pho and instead of drinking Tapioca drinks he had hung out at Jamba Juice surrounded by upper class white kids. He hadn't even heard of Boba until he had gone to college. He hated math, didn't want to be a doctor or engineer, and excelled in English. His parents were lax, not pressuring him too hard to have good grades, and not restricting whom he dated. Chase had only dated white girls, because they were the only ones that were available. He thought about all of his high school dance pictures and every single one was with a white girl. Captain of a cheerleading squad, Student body president, and senior treasurer, there was even one picture with a Mormon girl he had dated for a little while. Blonde, brunette, all smiling white faces posed in his yellow arms. It had all seemed normal until he had left for college.
After they had finished eating, Chase went home and was now alone in his room. He looked at the walls as he reclined at his desk. Dean Martin and the Rat Pack stared back, right next to a Jim Morrison poster. Alicia Silverstone, whom he had liked from her role in Clueless, also adorned his wall. While staring into her eyes he thought about a movie his Asian American Studies professor had shown in class. It was about an Asian male played by Russell Wong who fantasized about Rita Hayworth. They portrayed him as a sick person, because he would sneak off from his Asian wife and go watch Rita Hayworth movies. Was Chase like this character? He didn't think it was a bad thing to be attracted to white girls. Asian American Studies classes shouldn't be teaching him to hate whites he thought. His Professor had talked about the out marry rate for Japanese and how he had lost respect for another ASA professor because he had a white wife. Chase wondered if to realize your ethnicity you had to separate yourself from the other ethnicities. He was walking a fine line. He felt more American than Asian
His room was completely different from when he had left. The desk was clean and no clothes cluttered the floor. On his dresser the seven lucky Japanese gods danced next to a Trail Blazers basketball. A samurai helmet in a glass case gathered dust next to a dragon boat that had lost two paddles. He had action figures from Japan next to a miniature stuffed buffalo from Wyoming. He looked out his window into the empty suburban street. Tomorrow was Thanksgiving and he pictured the food his mom would prepare all day. The dishes would be lined up in the kitchen Chinese banquet style. The smells would waft through the whole house. It would be an assortment of delicacies. California rolls and unagi, complimenting the stuffing and turkey while tofu pie and edamame would counterbalance the pecan pie and fruit salad. Children would scurry amongst the adults innocent and naive. The Thanksgiving Day parade would blare loudly on the TV accommodating the old folk's loss of hearing. He stared out his window as the cold winter's air scattered dry leaves across the empty suburban street. They tumbled effortlessly whisked away on the fingers of the breeze. The grass swayed to the music of the crickets; serenading the streetlamp. Far off in the distance he could hear the muffled sounds of cars breathing clouds of exhaust as they putted down the main drag. The stars shone brightly, modern wonders of decorative design, simplistic yet forever enthralling. Enchanting splashes of light adorning the glass ceiling of existence.
"Alright listen to me and tell me if this sounds racist or wrong," Chase said. "So I had this one Asian American studies professor, and the whole time I am in this guy's class he is spouting out some crazy shit."
"Asian American studies?" Brian questioned him his eyebrows raised. "What the fuck do you do in there?"
"Watch Bruce Lee movies," Will laughed heartily.
"Shut the fuck up I'm trying to educate you crackers," Chase chastised the cheery friends. "There is a lot of shit that I learned that I didn't know about." "All shit that you fucked up honkies did." Chase was smiling as he said this. "Like when you excluded the Chinese from immigrating here in 1882, and imposed foreign miners taxes on them, and you didn't honor the gentlemen's agreement of 1908." Chase rattled off fact after fact losing focus on what he was trying to say in the first place.
"Hold on their cowboy, I didn't do shit to you, besides I like sushi and I eat Chinese food almost twice a month, so don't say I'm racist" Brian and Will combusted in laughter.
"I know assholes I'm just saying, there is a lot of shit that the white people did back in the day." He paused gaining his composure. "That wasn't even where I was going with this you made me get off topic. I was talking about my professor; this guy was a fucking asshole. Alright so this is his theory, he says that the white man has flooded America with images of white beauty."
"White beauty?" Will interrupted. "What the fuck is that, it sounds like a Dior perfume. What scent is that your wearing Madame? Oh its white beauty you like?" He said imitating a snooty white lady.
"It's not a fucking perfume jackass, I kinda agree with him on this point. It's like Kate Moss and Cindy Crawford. All of the magazines have these white supermodels, and then people think that the standard of beauty is a white woman. That makes sense doesn't it?"
"What about Halle Berry, she isn't white and she is fucking fine." Brian chimed in.
"Actually dumbass she is half white and she is light skinned. That just proves it right there man. You guys wouldn't think she was fine if she had dark skin" Chase announced triumphantly.
"Hmm you know maybe he is right, I am attracted to white chicks more, I don't find hella dark skinned black chicks attractive. So is this like not my choice, I am so absorbed in popular culture that what I find attractive isn't really my own choosing?" Brian asked genuinely perplexed.
"Pop culture has us all in its grips man. Look at a fucking breast implant" Chase said.
"Calm yourself dude, don't fuck up breast implants for me, first you make me think I'm only attracted to girls because society says I am. Now you're gonna fuck up everything that I hold sacred. Breast implants are the best thing that ever happened to chicks well I guess getting the right to vote might be up there too...but barely. Anyways it's like anti-guy to talk shit about breast implants, we should like revoke your guy card or something" Will threatened.
"Man you sound like a fucking caveman. just listen, You haven't even heard what I was gonna say" Chase said.
"Say what you will, they are my bouncy bundles of joy. You can't take away my love pillows. You can't corrupt them with your college talk. They are the only accessory that a girl needs, fuck a Louie Vuiton purse get some tits...sooo good" Will said grinning his eyes wide open and pretending to drool.
"See, I think that that is weird, if you take a breast implant and look at what it actually is, I think that it is strange that we are attracted to them. It is a fucking bag of gel, a completely foreign object shoved underneath a chicks boob to make it look bigger. But there is not one guy that I know that thinks this is weird or unattractive. That must say something about how fucked up we are by pop culture. Some fool just says hey big tits are good, and then everyone else is like hell yeah shove something in there so all chicks have big boobs and that's not weird at all!!! What the fuck?" Chase was surprised at how adamant he was about the subject. He really was questioning everything he thought, Will was right what guy argues against breast implants? College had changed him. My parents are paying for something, he thought to himself.
"Fuck, I guess that is weird. I don't think that changes my position on them though" Brian said a little disheartened.
"Anyways we got way off track, with boobs and Halle Berry, I was talking about my class remember?" Chase asked.
"Oh yeah so what else is this jackoff gonna fuck up for me?" Will questioned.
"Alright so he thinks that Asian American males are portrayed as asexual, small penis having, nerds. He says that women don't find Asian males attractive because of the stereotypes that have been like fucking mind melded into society. It's like how we are told breast implants are good, we are also being told Asians have small dicks. On the other hand he says that Asian women are subjugated, sexualized and portrayed as submissive little sluts. All this basically leads to the fact that this fool can't get a date. He says that white women think he has a small penis and Asian women are being swooped up by the white males that think they are easy little whores with long silky hair. Now I think that this fool just has no game, I could pull a girl of any race. Or am I totally wrong and when girls look at me they see some bitch with no dick?"
"Ohhhh so this is what that bullshit was about the other day," Brian said. "Hey man I think that you look like a little bitch with no dick, but that's just because I know you. I'm sure that when a chick looks at you she just has a hunch that you have no dick, she doesn't definitely know, you know?"
"Ha Ha Ha nah man I think that this fool is putting too much weight on his race, like that fool, what was his name, uhhh, oh yeah, Seth. You guys remember him right?" Brian and Chase nodded. "Remember how he would he would walk into a party and he would start thinking people were looking at him just because he was black? If you think about that shit all the time you are gonna start seeing things that aren't really there," Will explained.
Chase wrestled with what his friends had said but he still didn't know what to think. Maybe people were really staring at him because of his race. Sometimes he was the only minority at a party. He must have stuck out, he thought to himself. Or were people really that accepting of race and his professors were all wrong. Did his polo shirts and khakis signal to the whites that he was like them and therefore allowed to hang out in their circle, or did people not even question his right to be there in the first place. Sure the professors had their Phds but they didn't grow up in suburbia either. They didn't know Chase or his friends how could they canvass every Asian into one mold. Chase was torn between his environment and what he was being told. His high school friends were on one side and his professors on the other. It was a twisted game of tug of war, and it was ripping Chase's mind into shreds. He had seen the movies of the white actors in yellow face and he did think that Asian women had become stereotypically submissive and hyper sexualized. He knew his friends didn't think that way but he wasn't sure if the rest of the population viewed him as a foreigner. This struggle had only become clear in college. It had brought race to the forefront of his mind and he didn't know if this was a bad or a good thing. He wondered if race was at the forefront of everyone's mind or if he was focusing on it too much. He disagreed with his professor's extremist views but he could see that there was something to his arguments. He wasn't against white people as much as he was trying to rejoin the Asians. His beliefs were jumbled, everything was piling up and Chase felt like his thoughts might suffocate him. He was questioning everything; his happy little existence was being shaken at its foundation. There were too many questions. He couldn't even begin to sort through them. He was no longer waltzing through life assuming that everything was fine. He felt like he was floating between two worlds, not sure which one he even wanted to be on. He wanted to discover himself and break out of the safety of suburbia. He wanted to know what the outside world thought of him, how he ranked in the real world. He wanted to get in touch with the culture that had been wiped away by the years his family had spent in America surrounded by whites.
It was strange to be back, it was like old times but he felt like he had changed and his friends back home hadn't at all. The cool breeze rattled his bones in the chilly November night. The roar of cars was muffled beneath the rush of Chase's thoughts. The sky was dark blue with swirls of clouds breaking up the monotony. Like wisps of whiteness, smearing across a blue canvas. He took a long drag on his cigarette the smoke curled in the air, swirling and twisting with his thoughts. He smoked Marlboro reds. As he dragged again he thought of the Marlboro man galloping out on the open range in flavor country. It was a cowboy cigarette; most of the Asians he had met smoked menthol. He thought about what he would have smoked if he had grown up with them. His cigarette choice was just another example of how he didn't fit into the cookie cutter image of an Asian. He actually didn't know if he wanted to fit in completely. He didn't know if every Asian should fit into a cookie cutter image. He thought of his last girlfriend and how she had said that she had never dated an Asian before. At the time he hadn't thought about the comment that much but now it rang in his head, stirring up memories. She was from an all girls catholic school; they were mostly white, all upper class. She lived by the river, her parents owned a pharmacy, and their neighbor was a judge. Chase's aunt and uncle who were doctors lived down the block from her as well. The thought of Chases's cousins made him pause. His aunt was Irish and his uncle was 3rd generation Japanese. They had four kids, all really attractive Happas. Chase envied them in a way. He used to be happy when people mistook him for half white. He wondered if his cousins questioned their place in society, if they thought they were more white or more Japanese. Did they even think about their race? At least they had a reason to feel white he thought.
Chase had been back at school for awhile now. There were a couple asians that lived on the same floor as him at his dorm. Chase was friendly with everyone on the floor. There were actually a lot of Asians around him. Not just on his floor, upstairs, down stairs, in his classes, walking on campus. Asian American studies classes tended to be frequented by Asians. It seemed like an overabundance compared to what he had grown up with. Chase was glad that he could sit amongst them, learn his history Deep down wanting to be connected with them but altogether unsure if he really was or ever would be. He walked across the hall to his friend Jerry's room. Jerry was Chinese but his roomate was a white guy from California. Chase was actually better friends with the white guy. Everyone on the floor called him Cal, not beacuse it was his name but just beacuse of his geogrpahic origin. Cal was a clean cut white guy, he had a tall lanky frame that he draped with casual t-shirts from punk bands and jeans that hung loosely on his non-existent hips.
"Sup Cal, what you got going today," Chase called out as he walked into the room.
"Not a god damn thing man, just chilling, finished my paper last night, probably skipping some classes and chilling on the quad, you?" Cal lay splayed across his couch, his guitar resting on his chest, as he tuned it.
"Yeah same here don't have shit to do, for another three weeks, or whenevr finlas are haha." Chase walked over to the couch making a swiping motion with his hands and forcing Cal to slide his feet off the couch to accomodate Chase.
"What are you working on Jer?" Chase asked not really knowing if he was going to pay attention to the answer. Jerry sat at his computer, tapping away at the keys, there was some HK popstar emoting about something, and probably about seven aim screens all blinking and waiting for responses.
"Wuddup Chase, I'm not doing shit now, this girl from my class is supposed to come over to study in a little while, till then i'm just marinating."
"Marinating? What are you marinating in five spice? haha no wonder you asians always smell like terriyaki." Cal and Chase both laughed.
"Dude Terryiaki is Japanese, I smell like soy sauce, or oyster sauce, cmon man."
"Haha my bad, so Chase is the terriyaki mother fucker then huh?" Cal looked over at Chase with a sly smile creeping across his face.
"Yeah man I'm terriyaki." Chase answered Cal cheerfully.
"More like terriyaki sauce over white rice," Jerry said laughing.
"Damn Jer what are you trying to say?" Cal asked in half joking half interrogative tone.
"You know what I am saying, Chase is a fucking bannana, he knows it, we know it, everyone knows it."
"A bannana?, man I don't even understand what you guys are talking about." Cal sighed and turned his attention back to his guitar.
"He means that I am yellow on the outside but white on the inside, you know, like a twinkie, a bannana." Chase responded, kind of hurt that he had been seperated from Jerry who was in his eyes a real asian.
"Ohh I get it, haha a bannana, I think I like twinkie better."
"It's not as healthy dude." Jerry said still tapping away at his computer. Chase knew he was a bannana but he felt that he was trying to change. But if a bananna peels off their layers are they only white, how does one become completly yellow.
"So this girl, that you're studying with, what are you guys studying? Chase asked pushing his concerns to the side, brushing them under the rug.
"Yeah let me guess is it Anatomy? Should me and Chase leave you two alone?"
"Haha Nah it's for this shitty intro class, it's just Chem."
"Is this girl hot?" Cal asked strumming his guitar to accentuate his question.
"She's cute," Jerry said not even making eye contact with the other guys.
"What's her name?" Cal said as he prodded Jerry.
"Her name is Katsumi."
"Katsumi huh? and she's cute you say? Is she single?" Chase sat back as Cal piled his question onto Jerry.
"Yeah Katsumi, it's Japanese, she goes by Kat, I think she's single I don't know."
"You don't know? She must not be that cute dude, you would know if she was cute." Chase laughed at this as Jerry turned around to respond.
"Nah trust me dude she's cute, I just have other things going on, but she is definitley dateable."
"You think I have a chance then?" Cal asked.
"I dunno if she is into lanky ass crackers man." Jerry threw Cal a smile.
"What about Chase then, does he have a shot?"
"I dunno man what am I her fucking agent, she's supposed to be her in a little bit, just hang around and meet her.
"Oh we will, we most definitley will." Cal said impersonating Mr. Burns with his fingers. "You don't have shit to do right Chase?"
"No but do we really want to hangout with people that are studying chemistry?"
"Ahhh just chill, close the door, smoke a bowl."
"Now that we can do," Chase sais as he smiled and got up to close the door. He put a towel under the door to try and keep the smoke from sneaking out of the room and into the hallway. This was standard dorm smoking procedure. Cal opened the windows and turned his fan on, he pointed it straight out the window and turned it to the highest level. "Is this cool Jer? Is this gonna fuck up your studying?" Chase asked deciding to be considerate.
"Like I give a fuck, have I ever cared if you guys blazed?"
"Just checking man."
"Oh but what about Kat? Is she a straight edger or something?" Cal said his face wrinkled in disgust with the mere thought.
"Nah I think she's chill I don't really know though, I just know her from class, but fuck it it's our room right?"
"Haha I'm sorry but I just love it when people say but fuck it."
"Haha dude we haven't even smoked yet what's your deal?"
"Seriously I just love that phrase, like when people say but fucking daryll isn't here, sorry, sorry, I know let's be mature haha...but fuck..ha." Jerry and Chase had to snicker if not with Cal then at him, either way they shared in his giddiness.
"You're a fucking douche dude haha." Jerry said fighting against the onslaught of aim windows popping up on his desktop.
"Alrighty let's do this." Chase said starting to pack Cal's bubbler. The smoke filled the room and despite the towel the halls outside still reaked of weed. The guys didn't care and everyone on the floor knew who was responsible anyways and would never say anything. They lounged in the room listening to Latyrx after Chase and Cal had forced Jerry to change the music.
"We should air this bitch out, hey go spray this cologne in the hall." Chase rose and opened the door before letting loose with three solid spritzes of Cal's cologne. It didn't really do anything but create another layer of smell without eradicating the first one, but whatever they could do to minmize their blatant illegal activities they figured was a plus. Chase settled back down onto the couch and him and Cal discussed the possibilities of an afterlife while Jerry continued to exist in the periphery, his only real prescence being marked by the taps of his keyboard.
"Nothing, there is nothing, once you die you're dead, that's all, kaput, no more existence, consciousness, nothing." Chase said reaching into Cal's mini-fridge and pulling out a juice works.
"Well that sucks." Cal said staring at the ceiling.
"Well yeah it does but that's why people want to believe in heaven..." mid-sentence there was a soft rapping on the door.
"Shit it better not be Noonan, does it still reak in here?" Noonan was the floor's R.A., the supposed grown up who's job it was to control and live amongst the children.
"Yeah it still reeks." Chase said, "Who the fuck knocks besides Noonan?"
"Shit you better febreeze this bitch."
"Just see who it is."
"Yeah get the door Jer." Cal said looking for the febreeze. Jerry rose from his chair and looked through the peep hole.
"Fucking paranoid stoners it's just Kat."
"Dude that's not paranoia, cmon who knocks besides Noonan?" Cal said insulted he was relegated to a stoner sterotype.
"Apparently people who have never been to our room knock." Jerry said while opening the door.
"Hey Kat sorry it took a sec for us to open the door, we just had a session and we thought you were the R.A."
"Oh is that coming from your guy's room, your whole fucking hall smells like dank, you guys should have waited for me." The guys heard the voice but hadn't seen her yet, she scored plus points for wanting to smoke. Her voice sounded sweet, but such things are often decieving. Chase and Cal looked at each other anticipating the moment when they would see the person whom the voice belonged to.
Jerry ushered her in, closing the door behind her. Katsumi was maybe 5'9 kind of taller for an asian girl. She had large dark brown eyes that sparkled. She wore jeans with a hole on one knee and a black tank top that fit snuggly on her fit frame. Chase was pleasntly surprised. He eyed her up and down, he had pictured her as a book-wormish chem major much like the Asians he had seen growing up. One of those lab coat wearing thick glasses having wallflowers. Immediatly after Chase thought this he realized he had pre-judged her and had even cast her into a stereotype. If Chase couldn't stop himself from thinking thoughts like that why wouldn't other people think stereotypically of him? He argued within himself that he had made his assumptions based on her major and not on her race but he didn't feel completley off the hook. Baby steps he said to himself, realization is the first step. In any case Katsumi was a welcome stepping stone in Chase's movement away from the stereotypes and the realized images of the Asians that he had grown up with. The Asians back home actually were the book smart nerds who Chase assumed Katsumi would mirror. Tying his images of Asians from home with her major and coming up with a preconcieved mental picture felt a little more legitimate to Chase, but he had still wrongly assumed things and the fact was he had pre-judged her and had been completley wrong. She was definitly dateable he thought. Jerry walked her over to them and made the requisite introductions. Kat-Cal Cal-Kat joint nice to meet you's, Kat-Chase Chase-Kat joint nice to meet you's. She plopped herself on Jerry's bed and proceeded to unpack her bag.
"So that's fucked up you guys didn't wait for me" she said. Chase liked how she automatically felt comfortable enough to tease them, and her comfort made him comfortable as well.
"Our bad, you wanna play catch up or what?" He said smiling widely finding himself slightly attracted to her and feeling strange about it. It wasn't the fact that she wasn't attractive, she was beautiful, it was the fact that she was Asian.
"Ohhh...I dunno you guys are a bad influence I came here to study right Jerry?"
"Hey whatever we basically know this stuff anyways it's just review" Jerry said coaxing her down a path of unproductiveness.
"Yeah you know it already cmon, you know you want to." Chase said playfully tempting her by thrusting the bubbler towards her. Apparently not a fan of peer pressure campaigns or just saying no, Kat conceded and feigning reluctance inhaled the smoke deeply.
"Je-bus we got ourselves a soldier here, that's a mighty hit" Cal expounded, impressed.
"What can I say?" Kat said coyly. Chase felt himself becoming more and more smitten, it was just something about her, her confidence, her personality, her beauty. She brushed her hair out of her eyes and rolled over to lie on her back. Chase took the bubbler from her and took another hit before passing it to Cal. Chase's thoughts returned to the fact that his inkling of a crush was peculiar because he was not usually attracted to asian girls. But maybe because he could never relate to them before, he felt like he had a chance with Kat though.
"So should we get cracking or what?" Kat asked Jerry, a cloud of smoke hovering above her head.
"I guess so, you know I really don't feel like doing this shit right now."
"Could it be the weed, perhaps?" Kat asked following it with a snicker.
"Nah unless it's contact high, Jer didn't even partake." Chase responded trying to have as much interaction with Kat as he could.
"Oh you have no excuse then."
Jerry shrugged his shoulders saying, "Yeah I dunno it could be the fact that it's chemistry."
"I hate chemistry," Cal said from his corner of the room, having moved to his desk.
"I second that motion," Chase said near the middle of the room but closer to Jerry's side.
"Well it's not my favorite either but hey what are you gonna do?" Kat said casually. "So what is your major if you are anti-science?, that's not very asian of you." Kat said looking at Chase. Chase couldn't tell if he was blushing, he didn't want her to think of him as a bananna.
"Yeah actually I suck at math and science, I am an english major." Chase said kind of embarrassed.
"I see so you can write papers huh? I hate doing that shit."
"Yeah I can write papers."
"You should see this boy right, shiet he can bust out a 5 page paper in like an hour." Cal said, exaggerating the truth, but making Chase thank him silently for helping to paint a flattering picture of him.
"Actually it's not that fast dude it's like at least 2 hours for a 5 pager." Chase said feeling the need to fix the small detail or maybe just wanting to seem humble.
"Damn that's pretty good, you should write my papers." Kat said laughing as Chase passed her the bubbler.
"Yeah maybe...if you're lucky."
"Haha..If I'm lucky, you never know I could just be."
"So you guys have a test coming up or what?" Cal asked while he rifled through his closet for a hoodie.
"No not a test just a quiz." Kat said as she acted like she was reading her Chem book.
"Just a quiz? Fuck it then, you already know it, just chill." Chase said not wanting her and Jerry to actually start working and cut him out of their circle.
"Yeah we are just reviewing, how much is it worth anyways Kat?" Jerry said hinting at the fact he would rather chat online and relax instead of read and write, the purpose for them all being where they were.
"I don't know probably like 2%."
"2% that isn't shit, plus you guys have it on lock just chill and smoke some more with us."
"Yeah just chill," Cal said joing the anti-work rebellion.
"Damn what did I come over here for then," Kat said not acting like she really wanted to study.
"I think you came for the fine company and the party favors," Chase said gazing at her as she still maintained that she was going to read her chemistry book.
"Where are you staying at anyways?"
"I live in Sequitor, in Villa four."
"Oh you're one of them" Chase said flirting through teasing.
"What is that supposed to mean, one of them?"
"Well you know how Sequitor people are they are all anti-social or greek."
"That is not true, I'm not greek, and I am not anti-social either."
"Well you're the welcome exception then, how do you like it over there?"
"Well it would be fine except that everyone over there is anti-social or greek" Kat said laughing and looking at Chase. "Haha yeah that's what I thought." Chase responded feeling the warmth of her smile
"Hey Chase you wanna head out for a smoke?" Cal asked finally locating his hoodie and zipping it up as he turned for the door.
"You have to ask?" Chase responded, rising in turn.
"That's cool guys I guess I'll just stay here then, thanks for the invite," Kat said pretending to be upset and snotty.
"Well if you would give us a chance, I was just about to invite you, so Kat would you like to join us downstairs?" Chase said surprised that she smoked. Jerry the only non-smoker was left with his aim and turned up his HK pop as soon as they closed the door.
"So where you from?" Chase asked as they stood huddled inside the elevator.
"Grandsbury, you?"
"I'm from Plentiful Fruit Valley, are there a lot of asians in Grandsbury?"
"Yeah there are, in my part of town for sure, very strong asian american community."
"There are hella asians in San Francisco too," Grunge said kind of feeling out of the mix. The doors of the elevator opened and the trio poured out and through the main doors of the lobby. They plopped down on a bench and then rummaged through their pockets for cigarettes and lighters.
"Hey Shauna wuddup baby, where were you last night? I waited outside your door naked for four hours, you stepping out on me?" Cal yelled running after a pretty white girl walking down the bike path.
"I was home, you weren't there."
"Ok maybe I wasn't at your door I was in the bushes, but I still didn't see you, I thought you were going to make me dinner" Cal said laying his flirtation on in heavy slatherings. The two of them walked farther down the path as Kat and Chase stayed seated on the bench.
"So what's your major?" Chase asked, sitting closer than neccessary to Kat.
"I'm trying to be a Pediatrician" she responded, not moving away from him.
"I see very stereotypical don't you think?" Chase said sarcasim tinting the truthfullness.
"Haha fuck you I like kids," she responded.
"Alright, alright damn, I don't know if someone with your vocab should be around little ones, you're not a very good role model."
"Haha not like I'm gonna be cussing at babies, it's just for you."
"Ok just for me I like that," Chase said as he thought about the term "Just for me" and other possible interpretations that could be seen from her using this term with him.
"How do you like it here?" Chase asked her, trying to act casual and not show the crush starting to prick at his heart.
"It's cool, very chill though not much to do."
"Yeah that's true that's why I started knitting."
"Knitting huh I didn't picture you as a knitter."
"Oh yeah I could make you a scarf if you would like, maybe some mittens? a shawl?" Chase and Kat both laughed together, their banter being shot back and forth with noone dropping the ball. The conversation flowing from one to another, the kind of conversation that seems like it will never run out and that you would never want to run out. Cal ran up to them beaming and out of breath.
"How did that go playa?" Chase asked him already knowing the answer based on his foolish grin.
"Excellent my friend, I think she actually is going to make me dinner haha have to love free food," Cal said standing before them.
"Nice one, she's cute" Chase said rising to his feet and patting him on the back as a congratulation.
"You ready to head up Kat?" She nodded, as she rose, pulled her low hung jeans up to her hips and followed the two guys back towards the building.
"What's she making you dude?" Chase said his stomache causing his mind to shift to food.
"Who knows man free food and a special lady friend, doesn't matter, anything besides chiken patty sandwiches or Jack in the Crack."
"You got that right," Chase said as the elevator doors closed and they were whisked back to their floor.
"Madden time or what?" Cal asked as the other two got out before him.
"Yeah I'm down, you going to study Kat?" Chase said not wanting to seem too interested in her answer.
"Yeah maybe I'll give it a shot, that is why I came here right?" She said, slaying Chase with her smile.
"Alright if you get bored or need a break I'm in room 206, holla!!"
"Alright I'll stop by before I take off just to say bye, have fun."
"Yeah stop by for sure, you have fun too haha."
"Yeah right," she said as she turned away and headed down the hall back to Cal's room. Chase watched her as she walked away, transfixed on her form. She shot him a glance back but he wasn't emabarrassed that she saw him, he was kind of glad. Passive agressive flirtation, she knew what he was doing and that was fine with Chase.
"Dude what's up with you I just smashed on you with the Packers," Cal said placing the controller down.
"I dunno man you're just too good," Chase answered.
"Yeah that must be it, either that or you're fucking sprung." "Whaaat? Me sprung?" Chase asked as he pointed to himself.
"Yeah it appears that way, she's cute dude, Jer wasn't lying, but isn't she a little un-abercrombie for you?"
"Haha yeah I dunno though something about her, she's cool, I wouldn't say I'm sprung though." Chase thought of the girls that he had dated again.
"Not yet" Cal said laughing and giving Chase a look that said just wait. "Must be some affirmative action, gotta fill your minority quota."
"Haha well she is moving to the top of the list for sure, I am now an equal oppurtunity dater." He pictured women coming in for interviews, him looking over their resumes and writing down a number next to their names on a list.
"Good for you, truthfully I never understood why you didn't want to date asians in the first place."
"It's not that I didn't want to date them, well I mean, I guess I didn't want to date the ones back home, but they were in a different world than me, there just weren't a lot of choices."
"There are a shit load of asians here."
"Yeah there are," Chase responded as he stared out the window of his room, the students scurrying off to class, the dining hall serving the early diners.
"Alright dude I'm going to head back to my room, you wanna blaze later?"
"Oh fo sho, just hit me up."
"Alright peace."
"Peace."
The door closed and Chase was left by himself, his roomate had class until later that night. He sat down at his desk before migrating to the bed where he sunk in and looked at the highschool pictures that lined his bulletin board. One was of Will and Brad holding their diplomas, Chase was in the middle, their grins proclaiming to that they were heading off to conquer the world. Chase's eyes were drawn back to those dance pictures. Memories of the nights spent by he lakes, laying on a blanket, his arms wrapped around girls that he was being taught were not right for him. Being more aware of his race seemed to be more limiting to Chase. Before he would have never hesitated to start talking to a white girl, he would get her number and set something up for later that week. Now that he was being inundated with these societal values that supposedly pervaded society he was more pensive. Being aware of these things in addition to him not knowing to what extent they affected the people he dealt with on a daily basis was confusing for him. Should he follow these rules that may or may not relate to him? Should he assume that all of this affected him just because of they way he looked? Or was that the same as stereotyping everyone into stereotypers? He knew that a balance existed, no issue was clear cut, should he be looking for a balance or was his carefree existence before his race issues evolved the correct way to approach things? He didn't want to automatically assume that everyone saw him as a foreigner, but his comfort levels had been shaken up by his education. His classes preached towards the racism of society, the ways that he was supposed to be viewed and the history behind all of this. But Chase didn't want to live like that. He was glad that he was more aware but he didn't want this awareness to make him form false assumptions or affect the way he interacted with people. It was especially difficult because he didn't feel like he was completley asian, he thought of Jerry calling him a bananna, as he slumped back into his bed turning away from the pictures of his past. If whites saw him like his professors had theorized and he wasn't accepted as a real asian, where did he fit? Chase wanted to ignore everything and exist which probably would be an effective away to combat the stereotypes and preconcieved notions. If he just disregarded them and did what he felt without thinking about what other people thought he could be truly free. But he existed in a society that was dictated by the media, by popular culture, by racism. How could he shut his eyes to these facts without surrounding himself in a false air of security and confidence. He had to find a way to solidify his identity, become confident is his skin despite the outside pressures of society while still knowing that they existed. His head began to hurt as these thoughts churned, like heavily soaked clothes in a dryer tumbling over and over, plopping down hard before continuing on their cycle.
There was a knock as the door as Chase was rubbing his temples. "Hold up" he yelled hopping up from his bed. He slowly made it to the door before checking the peephole. Katsumi stood there, her back was turned and her hands were in the back pockets of her jeans. She looked around oblivious to the world, her head scanning the hall, her eyes not focusing on anything. Chase opened the door, suddenly feeling a litte nervous. "Hey how did the studying go?"
"Ehhhh as well as studying can go, haha...it was fucking boring." She smiled at Chase as he widened the door to allow her in.
"Yeah sounds about right, so what are you up too now?" Chase went over to his couch and sat down, making space available right next to him, if she was so inclined.
"I don't know I was thinking about getting something to eat." She said as she walked the perimiter of his room, examining the artifacts that Chase had strewn around the room. She looked like an investigator, she leaned in close to his books, reading the titles and pulling out ones that she thought looked interesting.
"You want to grab something at the D.C.?" Chase asked her plopping his line into the waters hoping for a nibble.
She continued her tour pausing at the bulletin board with Chase's pictures. She was an anthropologist escavating his life, forming clues and trying to piece together the specimen known as Chase. "Yeah that sounds good," she responded. "Is this your girlfriend?" She said pointing to a picture of Chase and a dance date.
"No I don't have a girlfriend right now" Chase said holding back on the tail end of his statement, which would have been why are you interested. Instead he asked her, "You seeing anybody?"
"Nope I am free as a bird." She continued to look at his pictures her back to him as he lounged on the couch.
"Free as a bird like Skynard or like the Beatles?" Chase said flexing his musical muscles. Right after he said it he wondered if the refrences made him look too white.
"I love that song by Skynard, I don't know the Beatles one though" she said peeking over her shoulder at him.
"The Skynard one is better anyways, so you wanna head down?" Chase was afraid she would ask why there were no other asians in his pictures, did she know he was a bananna? Would she shun him for not growing up with other Asian Americans?
"Yeah let me look at your pictures first, you guys have a nice set up in here. Man you dated a lot of white girls." Chase knew for sure he was blushing, his cheeks were warm, he pictured the cartoons of the wolf pulling on his collar and puffs of steam shooting out.
"Yeah well what can I say we had a shortage of Asians where I grew up, you deal with what you're given right?" Chase thought to himself that if he had grown up with asian girls like Katsumi his pictures would be completley different.
"Beggars can't be choosers." Katsumi said giving him a look equivalent to a wink.
"What are you saying I'm a beggar?"
"Haha no I was just kidding."
Chase swallowed a lump in his throat before saying what he had been thinking before. "You know if I grew up with girls like you, I think those pictures might look a little different." He braced for impact, bowing his head and waiting for the sword to fall as he searched her face for clues to what she was thinking.
"I think you might be right." Her face didn't show any definite signs of her feelings but her smile gave Chase hope.
"So you want to get something to eat?"
"Yeah let's go."
Chase held the door open as she passed through. Her scent lingered in the air, like fresh spring flowers, feminine fragrance like fingers that waved him forward whispering come hither. As the elevator doors closed and they descended back down to earth Chase could barely supress the grin threatening to break out and run rampant across his face.
Chase entered his room and leapt upon his bed. The grin that had threatened him earlier had exploded into a smile that was now pasted across his profile. The dinner had gone well. They had covered the topics that seem to be at the beginning of everyone's getting to know you phase. He had gotten her number and her screenname but was reluctant to use either one in an attempt to not seem too anxious. He thought of Swingers and the rule of at least three days before contact, but he knew he wouldn't last that long. He was just hoping he wouldn't pull a Mikey and scare the shit out of a Nikki before they had even really begun anything. You're money he thought to himself as he grinned foolishly. Katsumi had grown up in a gated community with all of her friends being asian and the community around them like a pocket of ethnicity that allowed them to embrace their race and the culture that Chase was just discovering. He wished he had been a part of that, he wished that he had grown up with more knowledge, more pride, a real sense of just exactly who he was.
He flipped on the t.v. and scanned the channels, he stopped on pbs where Yan was cooking and cheesing for the camera. He had heard that Yan faked his accent and that made Chase feel sorry for him. With the perpetual foreigner myth a topic of his classes, he understood why he did it but he couldn't allow himself to accept it. Sure it was his gimmick but his lines like "Yan can do it so can you!!" just seemed so depressing. He wanted Yan to drop the accent, look straight in the camera and say "Of course Yan can do it, he is a highly intelligent articulate human being who has been studying culinary disciplines for my entire life." "If you tried half the shit I do you would burn down your house and your food would taste like shit." Instead Yan spouted confucsist ramblings saying things like, "Sooo simpo" and "Vary easy, you can do it too." Chase wondered what Yan saw in the mirror. Did he speak without an accent when he went shopping, was he constantly playing a character? Chase thought about this and he wondered if he was being too hard on him. Everyone was playing characters in one way or another. In highschool he played a character. His costume of Bananna Republic allowing him to blend in among the whites, blanketing his ethnicity in his mannerisms and the way he spoke. The materialistic armor that diverted eyes away from his asianess. Maybe it was the only way Yan could get a show, he knew asian actors struggled to get roles without them having accents or wielding swords. Chase changed the channel and settled in, his thoughts returning to Katsumi. He could hear people running down the halls, and downstairs outside of the building the lamps lit the paths creating an eery aura.
"Hey I am downstairs let's go." Kat's voice trumpeted into Chase's dorm room over the intercom.
"Alright I'm heading down now." He checked himself in the mirror, adjusting the collar of his shirt and placing some random strands of hair back in place as he headed for the door.
"Look at you, did you dress up just for me?" Kat asked grinning. She was dressed casually in an orange knee length skirt, her hair was tied back with an orange hair tie, her hair shifted as she adjusted her purse that was right beanth her under arm. THe stars were out and the street lamps were on as she stood there awaiting his approach. The metallic design on her white tank top shimmered under the lights and her big brown eyes were fixed on Chase.
"Yeah just for you." Chase said sidling up beside her as they began to walk down the path. "So who's party is this?" he asked her as her perfume walked its fingers up his shoulder and teased his nose.
"It's my friend Ho's place but it's a party for his girlfriend Mel, it's her birthday."
"Ho's place huh, you would frequent somewhere called Ho's place." Chase teased knowing that she wouldn't take offense.
"Haha shut the fuck up, it's his last name...asshole."
"My bad, my bad I'm just saying."
"You're just saying what? huh?" She gave him a light shove and Chase gladly took the physical contact. His crush was beginning to catch fire.
"Nothing I'm just messing with you."
"That's what I thought, you're always making fun of me."
"Sorry, anyways I was gonna say...." Chase paused as they continued to walk. He wanted to grab her hand but he didn't know if he was allowed to yet.
"You were gonna say what?" She asked playing like she was demanding an answer.
"I was gonna say...that..you look really good tonight." Chase looked straight forward as they continued towards Ho's place.
"Thanks I try." Kat said looking at Chase.
"Just for me?" He asked as he returned his gaze to her.
"Haha maybe." She responded stopping to fix her shoe which had begun to slip off her foot. They both stopped and she used Chase to lean against as she slipped the straps back onto her foot.
"Alright I'm alright with maybe."
They approached the house and they could hear the ruckus coming from inside. The walls vibrated with commercial rap, some song about buying the bar and shiny jewelry. They walked up two flights of stairs that wrapped around the tan building that resembled a spanish style villa. As they neared the door the decibels increased and they could make out some shouts and hollers from somewhere within.
They opened the door and entered into a cramped apartment filled to the brim with Asians. Chase was taken back a little as he took it all in. It was like a scene from Asian American Pie. The kitchen was heavily populated, red dixie cups were the accessory of the night. The keg was buried within a circle of people, talking loudly and laughing at the equivalent volume. They wore polo and Akademiks. Mashing of genres and people, Gucci countered by LRG. Spikey hair was everywhere, collared shirts of varying colors. It was a sea of black hair and noise. "Come on I'll introduce you to Ho" Kat said as she grabbed Chase's hand and led him through the crowd. They weaved through the apartment, Kat serving as the blocker clearing the way for Chase the runningback. Chase was rubbing elbows, shoulders and backs with Asians and he felt like he didn't stand out. With Kat's hand in his he exhaled deeply and followed her deeper into the crowd. They stopped in front of an Asian male who was bright red from his beer, he almost matched the cup he was holding. Kat dropped his hand and gave the redman a hug. He wore a simple blue and white ringer, and stylish glasses with barely existent frames. His head was shaved and he had dark denim jeans that covered the tops of his Nikes. After Kat finished up her hug, she turned back to Chase. "Ho this is Chase, Chase this is Ho, this is his place." Chase reached out and shook his hand saying the obligitory nice to meet you that was barely audible over the noise of the crowd. He was also introduced to Ho's girlfriend Mel who was a really small plain looking asian. She seemed extra bubbly as she grabbed Chase's hand and shook it sincerely. "Let's go see if everyone else is here" Kat said grabbing Chase's hand again and leading him back into the jumble of ethnicity Chase had been trying to rejoin. He was enveloped back into the Asians smiling inwardly while brushing past the crowd searching for people he didn't know. He felt Kat's hand in his and he smiled thinking of her as his usher into this world and hoping that she was not just holding his hand to guide him through the crowd. He wanted it to mean something more to her but he wasn't sure if it did. They entered into one of the bedrooms where it was less crowded and the scent of weed owned the air. The room was sparsley populated with a small group of people lounging on couches, beds, and chairs. "Hey guys" Kat said addressing the congregation. There were several responses all meaning the same thing, "Sup" "Hey Kat" Wuddup" and the like. "Hey guys this is Chase" Kat made the intorduction and Chase was given the same chorus like greetings. Kat followed this up with the individual introduction of the room dwellers. "This is Bud" She said directing Chase's attention to a chubby male preoccupied with filling the chamber of a bong. He had a throwback Jordan jersey on and didn't look up at the pair as they stood before them. He reminded Chase of a cartoon Buddha. Is that racist he thought. "This is Mike" Mike was a taller skinnier asian who sat deep within the grasps of a leather sofa, his eyes were dazed as he leaned forward to shake Chase's hand. Mike looked like a male model, his face was svelte and he had a strong jaw line that made Chase think of the HK popstars that Jerry listened to. His hair was faded and was spiked at it's pinacle. "This is TY" Ty was tall but not as tall as Mike, he wore a striped polo shirt and jeans. He had a huge asian afro, not round but jagged. He looked like a charcter from Dragonballz, the hair like black flames pointing up and out at the same time. Chase pictured him charging up a fireball or flying through the clouds. He smiled and leaned forward from the bed as he greeted Chase. "Sup man, you want a rip?" He said to Chase as the bong made its way around the room. Chase accepted while Kat continued to do a roll call of people in the room. "This is V" Kat said directing Chase's attention to an attractive girl in a skirt sitting at the table. Veronica looked like a princess, not royalty but just high maintenance. Perfectly applied makeup that probably took hours, a well put together outfit that was most likely the result of thirty discarded ones. He could see her floor littered with the rejected clothes, her posing in the mirror before deeming the skirt unfit before moving onto her shoes. She was definitley attractive but she just looked like too much trouble to Chase. "It's short for Veronica" she said shaking Chase's hand. "And this is Tak" Kat said coming full circle and completeing her introductions. "It's short for Takahashi" Tak said reaching out his hand. "Chase, it's short for Chase...sorry I just wanted to be part of the group, nice to meet you" Chase said already knowing the he had forgotten most of their names. Tak and V both laughed and Chase was happy that they had a sense of humor.
"Tak you didn't call me last night I thought we were going to eat" Kat said as she grabbed Chase's hand and led him to the floor where they both sat down.
"Sorry I forgot I had to study with my group at the library" Tak seemed very laid back and Chase thought that he could see himself being friends with him. He had a plain white shirt with the red circle of Japan's flag squarely in the middle. He wore khaki cargo pants and adidas, which stayed planted on the floor as he laid back on the bed.
"You could have at least called asshole" Kat said.
"Yeah my bad I was stressing over the project I completley forgot about it so I had to rush and get some shit done before I met up with the group." Tak said looking genuinly sorry.
"Apology accepted but you're still an ass" Kat responded taking the bong from his oustretched arms.
"Yeah well that will never change right?" Tak said giving Kat a mischevious look.
"No it won't but I guess that's why we love you." Veronica piped in.
Chase sat silently the uninitiated group member, the outsider in this clique of old friends. Ty and Mike talked about the Trailblazer's game while Bud sat back and soaked in the music coming from a computer in the coner of the room. It was a Blackalicious joint and Chase was glad that they shared the same taste in music. The walls of the room were adorned with posters and ads ripped out of magazines. There was a poster of an import model directly above Ty and concert posters from hip hop shows serving as wallpaper almost everywhere Chase looked. He could see shows that he had gone to along with lots of shows he wished he had gone to. The choices in groups and the songs playing seemed to reflect Chase's own preferences and this made him inwardly content. The room was dimly lit, the flicker of the lighter serving to iluminate the faces of the group in short bursts of orange.
"Who's room is this?" Chase said breaking his silence.
"It's Ho's" Ty said.
"Yeah Ho is too busy entertaining the masses, too many fucking people out there, I prefer to just chill in here." Mike said getting up to change the song.
"Fucking asians are so anti-social" Tak said smiling.
"More like fucking stoners are anti-social" Veronica said laughing.
"So do you guys know everyone here?" Chase asked leaning closer to Kat, their shoulders touching as they sat on the floor. He lingered close abosrbing her warmth, his insides beginning to flutter.
"Most of them but a lot of them are Mel's friends from back home" Mike said from the back of the room.
"Yeah we don't know most of Mel's friends, they don't even go here" Ty reiterated.
"How long have you guys known Ho?" Chase wondered if he was asking to many questions.
"We went to highschool with that fool, we all grew up together, Ty and Mike were in the same Kindergarten class as him." Bud said looking at Chase.
"Damn so I am the only one not from your guy's highschool in here?" Chase felt like more of an outsider again.
"Haha yeah we are all oldschool, how did you and Kat meet?" Tak asked adjusting his shorts by pulling them over his knees.
"Well I was just walking downtown one day and she was on the corner and she was like, Hey sailor you want a date? I felt bad for her because it was raining so I took her under my wing." Chase said waiting to see how they would respond.
"Haha that's funny that's how I met her too" Mike said before recieving an evil glare from Kat.
She punched Chase in the arm hard before saying, "Fuck you guys."
"Awww come on Kat you know I'm just pulling your monkey tail." Chase said putting his arm over her shoulder. She playfully pushed him off but still remained touching shoulders with him. The group laughed at the exchange and Chase felt like he was starting to mesh a little more.
"You better watch it man Kat isn't one to be fucking around with, she'll cut you for real." Mike said laughing.
"Yeah I have the scars to prove it." Ty added feining fear.
"That's right assholes you better watch yourselves." Veronica said helping back up the only other girl in the room.
"Thanks V" Kat responded.
"So how did you guys really meet?" Veronica asked, returning to the original question.
"She was studying at my friend Jer's place and I was over there, he said she was hot so I stuck around." Chase said slipping in a compliment.
"Your friend Jer might need some new glasses, I'll have my dad give him an exam, he's an optometrist." Tak mockingly said.
"Damn you guys are mean tonight." Veronica said empathizing with Kat.
"Aww Kat knows were just fucking with her, she knows she's hot." Tak said leaning back and exhaling smoke.
"Yeah come on V you know every guy at Cannon jocked Kat, she can take some shit from us." Mike said "If we can't fuck around with her than who can?"
"Is that true everybody jocked Kat?" Chase asked wanting to know a little more about her history.
"Oh yeah man, everybody jocked her, she has a fan club full of broken hearts" Mike answered.
"Shut up" was all that Kat managed to get out before Tak interrupted her.
"Yep you remember when Ben tried to ask you out and you just ignored him? She didn't say shit she just walked away, now that's fucked up." He said laughing, the others joined him talking about this rejected guy and a bunch of other guys that had crushes on her in highschool.
"That's messed up Kat" Chase said needling her in the side. "Poor Ben."
"Alright, alright, that was mean but cmon it was Ben, what did he expect?" Kat said not really wanting to discuss the topic.
"Personally I liked Ben" Chase said.
"Shut up you don't even know who he is" Kat shot back.
"He was very nice, me and him used to play little league together, I just didn't know that YOU were the Kat that broke his heart, you know he lives in a monastary now?" Chase said continuing to tease her. The guys all laughed while Kat tried to act mad, a smile beginning to peak out from beneath her scowl.
"Can we not talk about this anymore" she pleaded.
"Yeah we'll stop picking on you" Tak said turning his attention to Chase, "So where you from Chase?" Tak asked him.
"I'm from Plentiful Fruit Valley" Chase answered him, wondering if they knew the ethnic make-up of his hometown.
"Ahh the valley" Tak said as the other guys had their own conversations. The words were being shot across the room, intermixing and coming out to the other side, recieved by the intended ears. Through the smoke, under the other conversation and heard by the correct person. "What major are you?" Tak asked following the college play book of introductions.
"Well I would say my major is smoking and sleeping, but officially it's English, I might double in Asian American Studies though." Chase answered not knowing what they would think of an Asian American studies major.
"That's cool what are you gonna do teach? V is gonna teach but she's gonna teach math" Tak said pointing to Veronica.
"Yeah actually I don't know what I am going to do yet, I guess that is an option. It's either that or a street performer."
"Did you just say street performer?" V asked, her eyebrows raised.
"Yeah you know maybe just paint myself in silver and stand on the corner, either that or Chinese acrobatics," Chase deadpanned.
"Are you Chinese?" Mike asked returning to the conversation.
"No but who says they get to have a monopoly on Chinese acrobatics, shit if Steven Segal can do martial arts I can do Chinese acrobatics, white people wouldn't even know." It struck Chase as he said this that he had just seperated himself from the whites and taken on the Asian identity that everyone in the room shared. He Knew he had been trying to rejoin the Asians but this was the first time he had been surrounded by them and had placed himself on the same level as them. They weren't an ideal that he was striving to become, they were a group that he sat among and was able to interact with on a very normal level. His asianess was a reality, the same way that the people and the room he was in were real.
"Haha yeah I guess you're right, white people can't even tell that a Chinese guy is making their sushi, when he is speaking cantonese right in front of them," Tak added, laughing.
"Fucking Hakujins" Ty interjected.
I have been getting good advice many thanks to lamont, I totally agree with making it about chase becomming chase and not so much an issue of white vs asian, or at least not losing his whiteness but just realizing who he is as a complete person, so i'll have to work on that, I know this thing needs lots of work, first of all it needs to be finished and then it needs to be edited and streamlined, and the re-worked again, thanks to everyone that is helping me with this, I'll try and work on it slowly, I feel like i have just been tacking stuff on the end just trying to finish it so i can actually go back and start tinkering with it. we'll see how it goes. Do other people think the exclusion of the dinner with Kat was bad and the jump to the paryy was to big of a leap? I know there is too much flowery description, I need to cut it down and focus on the real material, I'll try and work on that, thanks again guys...
Slowly adding to it. comments would be nice, does this make sense, is it repetitive? are the issues being addressed? are the issues even apparent? I think I need to add more about Chase thinking about his attraction to kat, or is it just kind of natural and he wouldn't think about it? anybody? anybody? give me good constructive criticism, i am thinking of submitting this for a short story contest but 1. it's not even close to done, and 2. is it even good enough, somebody comment and help me prease
Started working on it again, I thought that an asian girl love interest, might help transition Chase better, well anything would be better than the way it was before, so hopefully this can slowly help chase change and grow, we'll see......added some more does anybody want to tell me how they like it? is it still too fast? problems? does it even seem like it's part of the same tory, holla!!!
Everything began to change for Chase when he had started hanging out with more and more Asians in college. He had found groups of them that were like him. They were from gated communities and they were 3rd or 4th generation. He identified well with them. They dressed like him, they acted like him, and the only difference was that they hung out with only Asians. He felt like he was separated from them at birth. They were exactly what he needed when he was growing up. They were all just like him but they identified more with being Asian than with being white. They were a little more connected with their ethnicity because they had grown up surrounded by Asians unlike Chase. They took their shoes off in their houses and threw Japanese phrases around like it was normal. They all drove Asian imports, like Hondas, Celicas and Acuras. Chase had a Honda but it wasn't like theirs. It was a gray 88 Civic with plastic rims and seats cooked so long in the sun they were busting at the seams. He didn�t even have an antenna because it had broken off in a car wash. They all had sub woofers and 12 inch speakers, Chase had 6 inch speakers and one was blown out.
Despite the difference in their cars Chase felt accepted by them. He was whiter than them but they didn't seem to notice. Through his interactions with them and his classes at the university he began to grow. He was learning the history that he had been separated from. He felt more connected with the Asian community and his past. He didn't want to be mistaken for half white anymore, he was Japanese. He felt like he was becoming a different person than who he was in high school. He had to play a certain role then and now college brought a freedom to be who he wanted to be. The Asians gave him a strong community to guide him down the path of realizing his race and ethnicity. It didn't have to do as much with how he dressed or what kind of shoes he wore, he knew that these people would accept him. He didn't have to slip in under their radar as a white version of an Asian he could just be Asian. He didn't need Ralph Lauren or American Eagle, he could drop his shields and just exist.
He discovered that he could fit into an Asian group as well as he could fit into a white group. He could function in both realms and this realization made him pause. He could play both roles, while the Asians could only play Asian and the whites could only play white, Chase could wander from group to group and be accepted. He found that his upbringing gave him a duality. He knew how to interact with both crowds. But Chase questioned what crowd he would choose, if he had to choose, did he want to choose? He had existed in a whitewashed world, he remembered his mom had called him a banana when he was younger and he wanted to move away from that. The two groups were almost the same. They had all grown up immersed in the same crap. They all had Sesame Street blessings of no attention span; they were children of MTV, mall rats, and pop culture junkies. They had all been told that the same fashion was acceptable. It dealt with class and upbringing. They were reflections of each other just from different areas. But that difference made all the difference. Race and ethnic culture were major factors as well as generation and pop culture. Chase just felt more at home with the gated community Asians. He could drop his guard; he didn't have to think about race, like his professor had made him. They weren't looking at his yellow skin, they didn't assume that he knew karate, their penises were probably the same size, Chase's was probably bigger he thought to himself and snickered. When he thought about all of this a decision was made for him and Chase began to feel a separation from his white friends.
Maybe it was because they were white,
Maybe because they hadn't been interned,
Maybe because they ate rice with butter,
Maybe because they didn't know how it felt to be a minority,
Maybe it was the fact that they didn't know what hakujin meant,
Maybe because they didn't look like him,
Maybe because the most they knew about his ethnic culture was sesame chicken, Maybe because they thought wasabi was guacamole
Maybe it was because they weren't at the same college as him,
Maybe it was just because they had grown apart, they had different lives now and Chase existed in a different realm. He hung out with people that shared his history. For whatever reason, he found himself amongst the Asians, reconciling his ethnicity and moving away from his white past. He began to find Asian girls more attractive than whites. He was more aware of everything. He knew that pop culture saturated his being and he was proud of himself for at least identifying this fact. Race was important to him now and he didn�t feel like his old friends would understand. He knew that they weren't racist; he had grown up with them. He just felt like he was moving away from all of them. They didn't know his new friends; they didn't have the same experiences that him and his new friends had shared. When they got together all they could do was talk about the past and the old memories. They would catch up on who was pregnant, who was getting married, they were living different lives than he was. Chase was moving forward and in this movement he made a break from his high school friends, whether they were white or not. They were all trapped in a city that wasn't really a city; they were all marrying their high school sweethearts and getting pregnant. Chase was discovering his identity and moving towards a better future than they were. He found comfort in his Asian friends because they were on the same path as him, they were all getting degrees and they created a strong community of friends. They were like him, they looked like him, and they understood what it was like to be him.
In the end, Chase drifted from Valley, he rarely went home and when he did he never called any of his old friends. Brian and Will both got married and were expecting children. Chase continued to work towards his degree. He felt that he had learned something, like he had become more in touch with himself. He realized that he was Asian and that this fact didn't have to conflict with his being American. He was both and he couldn't ignore his culture anymore. Before he had been drowning in whiteness, and it was bleaching his culture away. He continued to learn his history and to appreciate the culture that suburbia had begun to bury. He was unearthing the cultural past that had been covered in layers of white dust from Chowchilla and Valley. His friends at college helped him in formulating his new identity. He still drank Jamba but he rotated between that and Boba. He still smoked reds and wore shoes in his house but he knew who he was now. He couldn't escape popular culture, his past or his ethnicity. He had to deal with all of these elements and the effects they took on the formation of his being. He believed that he had found a synthesis between his two worlds and he had found a place where he belonged. The weight of his thoughts became lighter, as he realized that he was Asian American and that both cultures could have equal parts in his life. Through his Asian friends he found people to identify with and to share his duress and reality. They led him to a place where race wasnt an issue because they all shared it.
This is an old story that I wrote for a college class, I definetly need to open it up, I mean the transformation of Chase should be a slow progress, not just a paragraph shift, I just wanted to throw it up her to maybe entice myself to work on it, I know it its rushed and that the characters do not really develop but hopefully I can work on it a little more, mybe make it a real story
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