I Wish you Love

Song comparison time, it's been awhile. Mostly because my home computer is infected with pornbots or something, so it's completely dead, it won't even load windows. So when I was back at my parent's this weekend, I had my external and was able to free some music from the syphilitic corpse of my computer. My hand still smells...that's gross...I meant like wires and computer stuff...and algae...yeah still gross.

Two very different singers going to battle today. Both are smooth bastards that ooze cool though. Careful, watch your step, cool is slippery and these guys just leave a trail of it wherever they happen to go. Oh me? Yeaaah especially stay clear of that, I ooze something else. Just walk around it and avert your eyes. It's better for everyone that way.

The song is, "I Wish You Love." It's your standard that was fun I have a broken heart now but I wish you luck in your future romatical endeavors kinda song. Actually I can't think of many songs like that. I know this one track, "It Was So Nice While It Lasted." But, I can't remember if the dude was angry or ok with the fact that the shit was done. Most songs seem to deal more with the loss as opposed to the acceptance of loss. Ex: every song ever written. Ok maybe not but basically most songs are either about the search for love or the loss of love. This is no exception, the main difference being the singer's acceptance of the past and the ability to not hold it against the person that they still love. Does, "It's Too Late" by Carole King kind of fit in that category? Just checked and yeah it does.

"There'll be good times again for me and you
But we just can't stay together, don't you feel it, too
Still I'm glad for what we had and how I once loved you."

Now I am trying to think of loss of love acceptance songs, I am sure there are a ton out there. Like, "Copa Cabana"...yeah maybe not that one. But this song is for sure one of those types of acceptance songs. Instead of wanting to burn her house down and stab any guy that gets within a 25 mile radius of her, he is like, that's cool....ouch...no really have a good time, I really do think he means it though....unlike SOME people I know, *points over shoulder at person pointing at him....* Wait...a...minute..Damn mirrors...

"My broken heart and I agree, that you and I will never be, so with my best, my very best, I set you free."

And just so you know, he isn't speaking about unlocking the cage, turning off her GPS tracking so she goes "off grid" or untieing her hands, he is talking about letting go of the his hopes for reconcilliation and the life that he pictured for them both. At least I think so.

Umm were we supposed to be doing something here, besides expounding on a simple song with uncomplex lyrics and a pretty straightforward meaning you can easily decipher with one listen? Oh yeah, so first up to bat is Dean Martin. You know this guy, at least I hope so. For those of you out there who don't listen to Grandpa music or are not in fact Grandpas, for shame!! Even if you don't listen to him, you should know who he is.


And if you seriously don't know who he is, then you can go here Wikipedia
But cmon who the hell doesn't know who Dean Martin is? The boys at the IHOP would laugh you right outta our 11:00 AM meeting if you came in spouting some nonsense like that, "Who's Dean Martin? Why I outta...damn whippersnappers with their rappidy hop and the buttock shaking..their pony riding and wanting to make love to people, on their bended knees. I used to be able to bend my knees. Back in my day you courted you didn't freak, and a freak was something bad, not something you would embrace. Eagles were birds and butterflies were insects, when did they become burlesque show movements. These pre-pubescent children with their gyrations, it's just so tawdry. I just saw the state of Florida has a new song out, well I'll tell you something sunshine state, it's all just noise to me, noise I say!! I don't even know what an applebottom is, it used to be the bottom of an apple, but something leads me to believe it's something suspicious in this day and age. Bunch of ruckus, It's a God damn shame."

Listen to Dean's version, it's undeniably smooth. He coolly rides the rhythm. Dean never seems to exert himself, projecting a voice that just easily saunters across the melody and music that backs him. The light flourishes of strings combine for a nice airy confidence that lightly tugs on heart strings and guides you through the song. The acceptance part is prominent in this version, the unaffected vibrato of Dean's voice while slightly twinged in remorse and pain from the loss never fully emotionally bubbles to the surface. He steadfastly remains the calm crooner. When he dips to the lower registers you can feel the pain but the arrangement totters between something apt for a nice Summer day spent in a hammock and a song to be listened to while sitting alone in a parlor with a strong glass of scotch. It's playfully heartbreaking. Either way you look at it, the song is beautiful and Dean does an excellent job in his effortless translation.

Next up Sam Cooke. Ehhhhh...he's aiiiight. Nothing special...only like one of my favorite voices EVAR!!!! Sorry..*Puts shirt back on* Sam's choice to stretch, elongate and slow the pace of the song lends itself to a more emotional interpretation. Whereas Dean's was smoothly paced, sashaying along with the music, Sam seems to take a more laconic approach, taking his time to imbue each lyric with more bravado. His pure voice is easily able to caress each lyric and instill it with more heartbreak than Dean's. The way he uses the smoothness and purity of his voice to ride the lyrics seems to punch the song up. From the start, the first music note followed immediately by the way he dips into that first lyric is captivating. The backing music seems secondary to the prowess of Sam's voice. While Dean's is applaudable because it seems effortless, Sam's is superior because of the obvious effort that he put forth. Sam's version is just an excellent display of singing, that's a pretty song, that's a great singer, that's how you do it. The phrasing is perfect, and I can't think of a note that I would change. I love the way he stretches the words out, the perfect pitch of his voice is heart melting poppy musical goodness. So for me Sam wins, who didn't see that coming?

Talk about a song battle, check out how many people recorded this song. Some heavy hitters in that group, if I wasn't lazy I would get some more copies, but uh...yeah..I am lazy. I bet the Ella is awesome, but out of the two versions I have on my computer Sam wins. I have heard the drifters version on vinyl and I can say that it loses to Sam and Dean. Have you heard any other versions? Do you Like Dean's better? Would you like a neck massage?

* Ronnie Aldrich
* The Artistics
* Chet Baker
* Long John Baldry
* Michael Ball
* Billy Hawks (New Genius of the Blues, 1967)
* Shirley Bassey (1968)
* Gianni Basso
* Vicki Benet
* Franco Battiato
* Bruno Bertone
* Ray Brown
* Ray Bryant
* Joyce Carr
* Johnny Case
* Jeanne Castle
* Ray Charles
* Rosemary Clooney
* Nat King Cole
* Harry Connick Jr.
* Chris Connor (1978)
* Russell Conway
* Sam Cooke (1963)
* Van Craven
* Bing Crosby
* Bette Davis
* Blossom Dearie
* Joey De Francesco
* Tony De Sare
* Marlene Dietrich
* Joe Diorio
* Bill Doggett
* Arielle Dombasie
* The Drifters
* Harry "Sweets" Edison
* Ella Fitzgerald
* The Five Jades
* Buddy Fo
* Vincent Franco
* Alison Fraser
* Laura Fygi
* Judy Garland
* João Gilberto
* Giant Sand (1995)
* Benny Goodman
* Eydie Gorme
* Graciela
* Benny Green
* Grant Green
* Niki Haris
* Bill Henderson
* Ian Hendrickson-Smith
* Ron Hevener
* Earl Hines
* Engelbert Humperdinck
* Willie Hutch (April 1976)
* Chrissie Hynde Soundtrack from the movie Eye of the Beholder, 1999
* Joni James
* Jack Jones (1962)
* Jerry Lee Lewis(1982)
* Gloria Lynne (the biggest hit single, 1964)
* Friends of Dean Martinez (1995)
* Chris Montez (1966)
* Mark Murphy (in "Song For The Geese", 1997)
* Lisa Ono
* Esther Phillips (1965)
* Frank Sinatra with the Count Basie orchestra (on It Might As Well Be Swing, August 1964)
* The Skatalites
* Keely Smith (1957)
* Rod Stewart and Chris Botti (October 18, 2005)
* Barbra Streisand (1966)
* David T. Walker (1976)
* Nancy Wilson (October 1960)
* Rachael Yamagata
* Natalie Cole
* Patricia Kaas (on Piano Bar, 2002)
* Dean Martin (1962)
* Shirley Bassey
* La Rondalla de Saltillo

Creepy

Hello Acura driver,

This is the creepiest thing that I have ever done. Well except for that incident with the horse, but I swear to Zeus that thing said it was 18. Oh, the age wasn't the issue?...I see...well then. You have found this note on your car because I thiiiink I saw you the other day, and I thiiink you looked very pretty. If you are indeed not pretty please disregard this note..just kidding we can still do it even if you aren't pretty. I have no morals, standards, or toenails, that last part is what we call TMI, but is the truth ever really TMI? Is it? Huh? According to Jack Nicholson yes sometimes it is, but I wouldn't listen to him, because he is a Lakers fan and feasts on the souls of aborigine school children. Which everyone knows are high in transfat, and that's just not healthy.

So, if you would be interested in a cup of coffee, a game of backgammon (I don't even know what this game is) or a small nibble at a public place, so I can make sure you don't try and kidnap me, I know your games!!! We could do this. I might look far more highly upon you if you didn't respond though, because let's be honest, this is weird, and you have to be pretty crazy to accept a backgammon game with someone whom you have never met, I mean we aren't even facebook friends for christ's sake.

But if you are willing to throw caution to the wind, or puppies, they are more aerodynamic than caution, perhaps this will lead somewhere...like a dark dungeon filled with my other wives muhahahaha (evil laugh)..that wasn't supposed to be out loud. If anything, you can show this letter to your friends and you guys can giggle and someone can make that psycho noise, the reee ree reee, with the stabby motion, and that would not only be logical, but also a night well spent and this letter will be of some use. Or you could bring it to court to show them proof that a crazy person has approached you. But perhaps, just maybe, this will be a story that we can look back upon with our grandchildren and guffaw about.

Creepiest part of the last sentence,
A) grandchildren
B) guffaw
C) upon
D) all of the above.

I am going to go with all of the above with a special emphasis on grandchildren. Not that I wouldn't want grandchildren, someone has to do the farm work, but how did we get grandchildren without having children first? It's just not logical, and lack of logic creeps me out, kind of like toddlers that do farm work. What kind of fertilizer do you use little Timmy the tomatoes are splendid!! This is basically a test of your sanity, if you are crazy you can email me at I'dhitthat@yahoo.com if you are sane a good day to you and congratulations.

Sincerely,

Creeper McCreepster

Expiration Dates

I was thinking about this the other day, everything has an expiration date right? Well except maybe a perpetual motion machine, or a twinkie, those bitches are good 4-evaaa. *Eats cold war twinkie* Mmmmm still as bad as the first day it was birthed from the twinkie monster. I would also add New Kids On The Block albums to the list, those are timeless, there is no expiration date on awesome.

But I was thinking more along the lines of a relationship expiration date. I heard from someone that there was a scientific study done that showed lust levels, or levels of endorphins, were raised as a result of pheromones in coupling people for an average of two years. So that, awww he makes my heart melt, pitter patter, ice cream and puppy dogs shit? Yeah that's science, those are hormonal reactions, kind of like bitchiness and aspergers. Ok, one of those is not related to hormones, you guess which one. Now, not knowing if this report even exists, who did the study and why Adam Lambert didn't win American Idol, let's take it at face value. Let's look at real life people, let's watch episodes of the Hills and see if we can substantiate this. What? That's scripted?...How dare they...I cared, I really cared, and to think it was all for naught, you will get no more of my tears you blonde girl in big sunglasses.

Seriously I see truth in this possible made up report, two years does seem to be the tipping point to a lot of relationships. For two years I watched every Macguyver show with unadulterated lust, lust for inventions, innovations, mullets, men with three names, men like Richard Dean Anderson. After two years I moved on, to a paunchy butler and his merry band of misfits who replaced a certain mulleted young stallion. You are no Bob Uecker I would say when Rich called me, I have lost that lusting feeling and it's gone..gone...gone..whoa whoaaa. He would usually respond with I didn't call you, you called me, and then end it with I am changing my number again. But those are merely footnotes in the story of our love and the references are uncited so I edit that part out. Hasn't anyone ever sat you down and said, "Shit's not real till you hit that two year mark playa." Not necessarily in that venacular or maybe not at all, but I am just saying I have seen shit crash after the two year mark repeatedly. It's science, people you don't need to understand it you just have to believe, oh wait...that's faith, nevermind. So perhaps two years is too concrete, but I feel like every relationship has an expiration date, nothing lasts forever.

That may sound defeatist and depressing, but it's reality. Not only in a space time continuum we will all perish like the dust of the universe into a black abyss kind of way but in a man I am kind of tired of you, please get out of my bed kind of way as well. It's just that after awhile you run out of things to talk about, you know that person, their stories, their jokes. I don't know when I stopped being funny to the ex, but I know that I didn't elicit the same kind of laughter I did when we first met. It's like when your Uncle is all, I got your nose!! And you respond by stabbing him in the knee with a fork and demanding the return of said nose or you will break a finger for each minute that passes until said nose is delivered to a mutually agreed location. Funny the first time, not so much after that. That's why you have to draw things out. You don't just unload all of the goodies in the beginning, I don't even tell girls my real name until we are married.

"Why does the wedding invitation say Jerome and Carrie, did you do this Mark or did the printer mess up?"
"Suuurprise!!! I also don't have a job and have been sitting in the park and begging for change while you thought I was at work. Ha, like MIT would really hire me to run their Latin department, I don't even know if they have a Latin department and I can't even read!!!....where you going? Too much?"

See hold back, it makes things easier and it stalls the eventual expiration date. By reinventing yourself every week, maybe you can keep those lust levels up. Is the same joke in a different accent a new joke? I like to think so, but I also like to think the Colonel is Asian and that we don't die we get high and multiply.

Those were just discussions on serious relationships though, now what is the expiration date on people finding out that they don't even want a serious relationship with you? How long can you fool someone or how long does it take for people to realize they don't like you? Since I am so in yo face people usually know where they stand with me in a matter of seconds. Don't like being covered in paper mache and cast as goat number 4 in a moonlight sonata directed by yours truly? Then move a long little lady, don't agree that "Weekend at Bernie's" is both hilarious and a poignant commentary on post colonial India and the problems with capitalist wealth distribution and trickle down economics? Get to steppin, and not the steppin as in dancing, steppin as in walking away, but actually if you could step that may increase your chances of me being interested in you. If you can say Homo Erectus without giggling? Yous gotsta go. Having passed all of those tests still doesn't guarantee how long your expiration date is extended though.

I know that my star fades with time, after I lose interest in entertaining you and winning you over, I become a different person, hence the name change to Jerome, the illiteracy and lack of job. I reveal my true colors and they start shining through. The jokes just stop registering on the laugh-o-meter, which at first I thought was some kind of electrical error, but then I played it an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond and it didn't respond to that either, so it must be working. The easy part is fooling someone in the beginning, the hard part is maintaining. Maintaining is always the hard part whether we are talking about clean houses, attendance records or sobriety. Look at me I started being sober 3 minutes ago, now the maintenance and duration is the real issue.

Maybe people learn this as they get older, I am sure there are some happily married people, but the vast majority? Not so much. Most look at their significant other and are thinking you have lost that new car smell, now you smell like the 1984 camry that you are. I think the happiest couples are the ones who are mutually defeated. The ones who are afraid that they won't find anyone else so they settle. That sounds harsher than I mean it to. It just seems more realistic, to admit that they will never find that one fantasy person and that what you have is the best you will get. Then you can really dedicate yourselves to each other. Noone has one foot out the door because they are afraid to. Truthfully there is always something better and there is always something worse. So you have to find a happy medium and then fake a pregnancy so you can lock them up. My girlfriend has been pregnant for 10 years, that's a long gestation period, but she assures me it will come when the seven moons align and the righteous reign supreme in their rightful place. Now I am not saying just grab any hobo off the street and settle obviously let them fool you for a couple of years and let that lust sauce ooze into your cerebellum, you have to think you are in love with them, perhaps actually be in love with them. I am just saying when that starts to fade, let's not be so quick to jump the gun, unless it's in the hands of a hobo you just randomly picked up then definitely jump at it and try and wrestle it away.

I just think realizing you are right for each other has a lot to do with not wanting to find out if you are right for other people, maybe that's just me, but I feel a certain amount of settling is a natural and logical thing to do. Because the lust sauce will stop oozing and then it comes down to can I look at this person everyday for the rest of my life and not want to spoon their eyes out and use them as cherries atop my sundae, you may have different thoughts, adjust accordingly. There is always someone new, more exciting, more lusty out there. You just have to really commit to that one person you are with, know that the shared history you have and the genuine love you feel for them will be enough to carry you through, the love not lust is what you are left with. The concept of lovey dovey floating on clouds just fades, you hear people talk about stoking the fire, whacking the bush, incubating the marmot, and that's really what you need to do but you also have to realize that it will not be an endless parade of fantastical pink clouds and confetti. It's scientifically proven, by some report, I didn't bother to even try and look up.

This ended up being way more defeatist than I meant it to be hopefully you can piece together the small tidbits of what I was trying to say and construct them into a totally logical and acceptable discussion. Let me try and summarize in other words regurgitate what I have just written. I am not saying settle, I kind of am, I am not saying all relationships are doomed to failure. The expiration date thing could be when one of you dies, haha, yeah I just laughed at the death of your significant other, hey I have to get it in now, it would seem cruel to do it when it actually happened. What I'm saying is accept reality, obviously you know if the person is right for you, don't ignore that, but also don't keep looking for something better when things lose that shine. Try and work through the rough patches, don't be a rock jumper, jumping from rock to rock, because pretty soon you will be out of rocks and all alone... or something like that. How about you just read High Fidelity?

If you don't care, then stand over there

I was reading a sports site that I go to everyday, called Athletics Nation. As interesting as that is, that's not the reason I am writing. Although it is kind of the reason and I guess I could just end the entry here. Create some suspense, instill all two of you people reading with a sense of bewilderment and mystery, which really is my daily goal anyway. I just want to take you back to the good old days when you were tiny people who had nap time, snack time, special private touchy time with the janitor, you remember those days right? No? Just me? Ok then...

So the Athletics played the Atlanta Braves for inter-league play last year. I stumbled on this thread http://www.athleticsnation.com/2008/5/18/519989/the-atlanta-braves-thetoma The thread is basically about the tomohawk chop and the mascot of the "Brave." If you don't know what the tomohawk chop is, just think of how you used to play cowboys and indians when you were a little ignorant bastard and you will get the gist of it. You know when you used to run around and make "indian noises," do rain dances, and refused to answer to anything besides Pochohantas? Yeah you do, don't make me get the pictures, you saucy bastards. So, to do the move in question, basically you hold your arm like a tomohawk, which is where I think the tomohawk part of tomohawk chop comes from and then you make a chopping motion. I still don't get why it's called the tomohawk chop, I get the tomohawk part but the chop......Oh.......I get it, now. Is it just me or do I seem stupid? Well I guess that question was answered yesterday huh? Back to the lecture at hand, not only does the move consist of the physical motion, it is also accompanied by a vocalization. A slow and steady, Ohhhh, Ohhh, Ohh, I am insulting, Ohhh, Ohhh, ok one part of that didn't fit can you guess which part? Here is a video in case you were saying it wrong. Be sure to practice judiciously and be sure to do it absurdly loud at inappropriate times k? http://video.aol.com/video-detail/indians-braves-tomahawk-chop/3574702359

The question here is, is this insulting and should the mascot be changed? I think the Indians have a far worse looking mascot, but both teams I think are a little offensive. Here is the Cleveland Indian's mascot.
The motherfucker's name is Chief Wahoo. Seriously? Chief Wahoo? Haha cmon. There are actually websites talking all about this, and every Indian mascot being used. Florida Seminoles, The Redskins, there are a bunch of others too.

I mean just look at the name Redskins, can you imagine a team being named the Yellowskins? Blackskins? How about the Yellowskins with a buck toothed rice hat wearing Chinese dude as their mascot. The cheer would be the whole crowd bowing and making Chinese jibberish noises in unison, would that fly? Shit even the name Indians is wrong. It only exists because some Italian guy got off his boat and thought he was in India. I am not going to debate this really, if you want a more informed historical debate on it you can find it in that thread or you can find it anywhere on the internet. Just looking for some pictures and stuff I found another sports forum arguing about the same issue as well. What I really wanted to address was the people who don't think it's offensive.

I understand that you don't think it's offensive, that's great, that's your right. What I don't understand is people arguing that others should not find it offensive. Like hey it's just a mascot get over it, uh oh here come the PC police, shit like that. Look you have the right to not be offended and the offended people have the right to be offended. If it doesn't offend you then why are you even talking or taking issue with it? You can't tell people they shouldn't be offended by something, just like I can't tell you should be offended by something. If you don't care then stand over there. Don't try and say it's no big deal, because obviously it is to some people, and those are the people being affected by it. I am all for freedom, let them be pissed, off, why do you care?

Nothing But Sunshine

I get a text the other night from the new gothic girl neighbor. She reminds me of Violet from the Incredibles mixed with Daria and a hint of Charles Manson thrown in for good measure. I think it's the swatiska on her forehead or maybe the beard, I can't decide. So the text was, word for word, "Do you have any movies with violence and killing in them, that I can borrow?" Which wouldn't have been thaaat crazy but add the fact that as soon as I muttered to myself, "Yeah I actually do," she rolled out from underneath my bed on one of those mechanic's wheelie board thingys and said, "Excelllllllllent." I was a little startled, as people on rolling boards under my bed tend to do that to me. But I regained my composure, changed my pants and asked her to please stop rolling back and forth, "Can you just be stationary please?" It was a nice little contrast though a sad depressed gothic chick on a board wheeling around and smiling widely. Smiling with murderous intent or glee? Are they really that different in the mind of Violria hot topic consumer? I guess we will have to test that question at a later date. So, I show her to the movies and she starts talking about Patty Hearst and how she thinks she has Stockholm's syndrome. Which really came out of nowhere I believe that I was pontificating on whether crayon shaped hair barrettes were classy or trashy, a perfectly standard conversation topic that ties into any logical discussion, so I have no idea how she ended up going that route. Oh and just for the record, they are pure class. Anyway, back to her insane topic, "Ummm who has held you captive and who have you fallen in love with?" "It's just more the idea the freedom to give up your identity it just opens up so many possibilities." "You would be captive though and the possibilities of your new identity have to line up pretty close to what your captors envision. It's not like you are an independent contractor here, say you want to think you are now a well educated Nigerian banker, well your captors also have to A) believe in well educated Nigerian bankers B) want to live with a well educated Nigerian Banker C) I didn't get this far because she interrupted me with mock choking motions, it counts as "mock" if she stops right before you black out right? "Ok well maybe I meant that the idea of not choosing is a refreshing idea." "Umm yeah could you repeat that, sound doesn't carry so well through that cloud of self pity and emo depression you are stewing in...please don't stab me." Who knows what the hell she was talking about, she just wanted to be kidnapped or something and not have to decide what to do with her life, at least that's what I got out if. That and a trip to first base if you know what I'm saying, high five!!! Sad boobs are still boobs, it's just that sad boobs have a higher tendency to be attached to stabby hands. But I like to live in the moment, which did not help me as a child when I kept touching the stove, different moment!! Nope still burns, new moment!! Ouch...I don't like living in this moment it smells like burnt hotdogs and pain. So that was just one random tangent she went on, and as a master of random tangents I feel like I can judge them pretty well. The difference between hers and mine are that mine never really approach the seriousness or weirdness that she was displaying. I may joke about juggling hedgehogs and opening a barbershop for emus but we all know I will never get the permits approved so they are in essence wolf tickets, and I be selling a lot of them, naw mean? I f you don't know what that means then you should google the Click and up your early 90's bay area gangsta rap catalogue. So yeah she says shit that you just don't really bust out so early in the getting to know you phase. Stuff like, "Do you have protection, is that a birthmark, you do have the keys to these right?" It's like calm down crazy, "What is this an interrogation?" The response is usually no it's a lineup please face forward but in this case it was different, it was neither an interrogation nor a line up. Sort of new territory for me. Me and her are just very different people. While I prance around in my happy round sun costume, hopping from foot to foot and repeating, "Haaappy, haaappy." She just puts her hair in her eyes and talks about dark clouds that are blurring her vision and making the voices harder to quiet. Rumblings of depression seeping out through emotional scars that have failed to be exercised by the years of cutting and the words of her favorite band sad black cloud no happy, or something like that. I am just not that drenched in sadness. I might have been at one point after I lost my role in the Lizzie Maguire movie, but I got over it, I saw the logic. In reality 42 year old men do not look as realistic playing 14 year old girls as say a 14 year old girl would. I get you Sony, you still could have let me try out, but I understand. Casting despite what you may have been told is not a blind process, they actually look at you when they make their choices and they actually check to see if you are a convicted felon, lesson learned, and we moved on. You don't see me getting all angsty and self mutilating. At this point in my life I just don't get that riled up about anything, sure I get mad when my dvr doesn't record Matlock but I just breathe deeply, take a couple body shots of metamucil off of Edna and I sit back in my rocking chair and light a blunt. I would like to act like I have things to be angsty about but I just don't. I don't have parents that nag me to do my homework or telling me to stop sneaking into the neighbor's house and putting their ice cream on the counter to defrost. I clean my room all by myself now, I just don't have any real demons to battle with in my head. So it's a little strange to hang out with someone drenched in darkness, a person who not only thinks the cup is half empty, but that it has been thrown to the ground and crushed under tires of a mercilessly evil and vindictive driver named life. You maybe be asking yourself why I would want to hang out with such a person then. Well it's hard to not hang out with someone who rolls out from underneath your bed, but besides that issue there is also the nurturer in me. The one who mends the broken wings of sparrows and genetically modifies them to deliver bags of cornuts to disenfranchised inner city baseball players. It's just my nature, it's what I do, it's what I got my cornut attacher for in the first place. So have no fears you little emo, stabby Vioria, I will mend your wings, infuse you with some happy, and get you a sunshine costume so we may orbit the hallways joyously and then go shop together at Hot Topic..or I will be stabbed in my sleep and that would also be a mission accomplished in my eyes.