Iguanas love Three's company

The mist is everywhere. From the 12th floor the city is gray. Like the color of a newspaper, the font black the pictures that toned down shade of life. It would be a great view. In the sun I would smile and say, what a great view. But it isn't sunny and the world looks sad. Laying beneath the clouds the world mopes. I can hear sirens down below and the typing of the cubicle next to mine. It's my first day at my new job and already I don't know if this is the place for me. Is this the start of a career or a detour. I am the only one wearing a tie. People have jeans on with reeboks. I thought this was a grown up job so I dressed the part. Better to be overdressed than underdressed...I guess. Maybe not either way you are uncomfortable, singled out from the masses, swimming against protocal and mob conformity. I am dressed like an executive but in reality I am the lowest of the low.

Stevie Wonder is singing about ribbons in the sky, the warble of the radio carrying from across the office. I wish I could grab that ribbon and fly far from here. I would go to a place where I was already retired and my life was only there for me to enjoy. I think about 30 years in this office and I have no reaction. There is no joy, that is certain, maybe just that sinking feeling, like cement has been injected into my heart. The cold stone setting and dragging me down, placing me in this seat.

I haven't done anything all day. I was supposed to have orientation at 1 but the lady said she was busy and that I would have to come back at 8:30 the next day. I got post it notes and supplies, a note pad and a phone with no batteries. My boss left for a doctor's appointment. There is no one looking out for me or telling me what i should be doing. I don't even know what I do at this job. Sure I read the duty statement, I talked about how my previous employment would help me work this job, but I really have no idea what this job is.

The previous inhabitant of my cubicle left all of her stuff behind. So with no objective or direction for my day, I rifle through her things like a forensic archeologist. As far as I can tell she was a black christian woman with relationship issues and she wore hats like blossom. She likes salt and pepper and her job involved lots of rubber bands. I think she is black because I think I found a picture of her. Oh and she had a black enterprises magazine with pictures of successful black buisness people on the cover. I know she was religous and a christian because I found a book for bible study that says in the foreward, "This tool was designed for you, an ordinary christian, the kind of christian who sincerely desires to live for god and yet struggles to stay on track, if you are the type of christian whose life is fast paced and full but not always fullfilled, this tool is for you." So from finding this book I deduced that she is a christian whose life was fast paced and full but not always fullfilled. Logical thinking, even a non-forensic archeologist could figure that out right? I also found a crad for a support group called breaking free, something about troubling relationships. There was also a pamphlet for the babysitting service that the job provides so I figure she had some kids too. She left me some Mcdonald's ketchup and I thought it was amusing because it was labled as "fancy ketchup." She didn't label them herself that's just what it says on the packet. Anyways I thought it was funny, nothing from Mcdonald's is fancy. There are lots of salt and pepper packets and in one of the drawers is a blossom hat, a dirty spoon, a comb, and some hair ties. This must have been her personal drawer, probably where she kept her purse and stuff like that.

I woke up earlier than I have in years, just to come sit in a cubicle in silence. No direction, no objective, no projects, just disruption of my sleep. My girlfriend will ask me how my first day went and I won't have much to say. I think the adjective I use the most is "alright." No real leanings in one direction or another, just stradling the line of tolerable. Maybe a better adjective would be "blah." That might better convey the boringness and sense of uselessness. I couldn't see my socks this morning so I ended up wearing blue ones that don't go with anything I am wearing. I bought new clothes and ties for this job but I guess I don't need them.

This lack of activity is making my eyes heavy. I would sleep but I snore too loudly. Everyone here is older than me. I don't see me making friends with anyone here. The people in my area have names like Peaches, La shawna, and Charade. At my last job I found one cool girl, but that was in my training class, maybe there will be someone at orientation. For some reason I doubt it. My mom met my dad down the street from here, she used to live over here. I guess this place played a big role in my existence then. The point of beginning the start of something new. I am the farthest that I have lived and worked from my home town, but that doesn't really concern me. What is this the start of? I don't know, growth? a career? life? I can't see through the mist, who knows....