Trying to Find A Balance

How far can one's shared interests propel the evolution or progression of a relationship? What kind of interests are we talking about here? You incoherently mumble. I know it's a speech impediment, stop crying, I just think it's funny, I'm sorry I didn't catch that last part please enunciate. Ha, I know you can't that's why I mock you. So are we talking about interests like cross bow hunting toddlers? Poaching eggs in extreme conditions such as upside down while dangling from a forklift? (That relationship only lasted the duration of said egg poaching) "These are runny!!! We are through!!" Her words not mine, I prefer a little liquidity in my poached eggs and assets. Well we are not talking about any of those things, we are talking about interests like art, movies, baseball, music, those sort of normal things.

I have been on the scene for a little bit, and when I say scene I mean strip, and when I say strip, I mean strip club, and when I say strip club I mean I was once hired for a bachelor party in a garage and have worked several local farmhouses. But let's just say I have been around, I have my battle wounds. Little bit of education for you, a John Deere plow is not as smooth or accommodating as a stripper pole, learned that the hard way, the flesh tearing way, if you catch my drift, and if you don't then I can't help you because I just literally told you what happened. Basically asking if you catch my drift in that instance meant did you comprehend the last sentence. Anyway, say I am dating one chick who by all accounts is a very nice little lady. We just don't share the same interests. Here is how our exchanges go.

Me: "Man this Yugoslavian alt rock group the Niets fucking rock, am I wrong?"
Her: "Ummm, did you shave an asterisk on my dog?"
M: "Did you even get the Big Lebowski reference?"
H: "When I said you could come over, I thought it was because you were going to fix the window you shattered playing baseball in the living room."
M: "You don't like baseball either??!! You suck."
H: Actually I love baseball, my uncle was on the roster of the cardinals for his whole career so I grew up around a lot of the players."
M:......*Grabs clippers and runs through shattered window.*

See? We just don't relate. In reality she doesn't even like baseball, so we don't share that many interests at all. How long can you limp along like that? Do shared interests really play that large of a part in a relationship? I mean, being willing to go to a game, art show, concert, is not the same as wanting to go, actually being interested in it. So then there is the complete opposite of this scenario, the one that shares all of the same interests but you are afraid might stab you in your sleep.

Me: "Hey that new exhibit is opening next weekend in the city, did you want to go check it out?"
Her: "Already marked it on the calendar, I have been looking forward to it since his last show in Paris...Your eyes look delicious."
M: "What was that last part?"
H: "Oh I said I am going to do the dishes....our love is like a salami and I am the casing."
M: "Sorry I missed the last part again."
H: "I said our love is like a salami and I am the casing."
M: "Oh yeah you are totally the casing, I am like the inside, a mish mash of meat producty goodness, and you keep it all together, you little intestinal lining you. High five!!!" *high five turns into chest bump which leads to the dirty bird*

I know that things don't have to be so extreme and the correct answer is find a balance, but that's just how I live sister. Balls to the wall, (this is actually very painful and awkward thing to do, especially with a running start) grip it and rip it, thrust it till you bust it, gargle till you snargle...wait..what? Say that these two extremes are your choices. Girl that is like,

"Wow I would love to go to that art show I know that guy's work."

Or girl who is like,

"Art? I don't get it, who'sa whattie?"

Girl who says,

"How was your day?"

or girl who says,

"Did you know when you sleep you don't even budge, even when there is a cold steel machete against your adam's apple, hee hee, it's so cute."

Is fear of sleep mutilation worth the fact that she knows the entire discography to your favorite Guatamalean Children's choir? Is the fact that you don't fear sleep mutilation worth the fact that she is kind of boring and won't play baseball with you in the living room? Questions to ponder my little saplings, questions that may never be answered, we may just be to small to grasp such complex metaphysical quagmires. Giggidy Giggidy....or maybe just keep them both around therefore creating the perfect balance..goo.....