Eulogy

My dad was a good man. In the sense that he cared for his family took care of them and made sure they were always provided for. I remember when he would go on business trips and would return with a G.I. Joe figure or another toy for me and my brother. He coached me in Little League, placing me in the outfield, because I was a day dreamer. Taught us how to ride bikes, order Dim sum. Just multiple things that built a secure early childhood and for that I am thankful. Unfortunately the ability to care of us did not extend to taking care of himself. In his final years he aged a lifetime, his legs weaker, his face redder, at one point bedridden from the effects of alcohol. Sipping slowly from the cusp ed hands of death. They slowly drowned him, a lifetime marinating in the bottom of a gin glass.

He was a functional alcoholic and maybe that's what the problem was. When you can get up, go to work, and do a good job, then maybe your problems at night are an afterthought or a welcome reward. He did work hard, held one of the top positions in the state as an Asian American male. He broke down doors, worked hard, climbed the ladder and he succeeded. He truly was a remarkable man. At a time when minorities were not in a position of power he questioned that, changed that, and led the way for people of color to succeed like him.

I wish that he would have been able to live to see the day when me and my brother got married. Lived to see his grandchildren. Played baseball with them, spoiled them, laughed with them. Instead his life was cut short by a devastating disease. One that others watched helplessly as it killed him. Unheeded warnings as he drowned, soundproofed in his own denial.

One time he was unable to move from the couch, his kidney on the verge of failure, emaciated and helpless, my mom drove up to get him. She brought him to the hospital and he stayed there recuperating. The doctor told him that everything that was wrong with his health was because of alcohol. Maybe it was denial, maybe it was an inability to face a sober life, but whatever the case may be this did not serve as the wake up call we thought it would. He needed help, professional help, to not be afraid to face this head on, to admit that there was a real problem. Was the battle for living that much effort? Not worth it? Instead of changing and living he continued to plod in the same bare thread tracks his father had marked out before him. Death came knocking and all Dad did was wait for him to wipe his shoes on the welcome mat before opening the door wide, allowing him to stroll on through. What we all thought was a clear cut bottom, the idealistic and symbolic epiphany inducing event, was merely just a slight pause on the path towards darkness.

It was sad, it was unnecessary and it was too soon. A completely avoidable end that was sprinted to, driven by compulsion and addiction. There was so much left for life to offer, the possibilities of the next day beckoned but their call was not answered. The line was disconnected, the hanger was off the hook, it lay on the ground ringing, no one there to pick it up. It shouldn't have been this way. It should have been different. If only he would have faced the problem, admitted that addiction had him in it's grip and that he was willing to fight it, face it, and live. But that's not what happened and we stand here today mourning the loss of a good hearted man. A man who I loved and who took care of his family, worked hard and left us too soon.

Don't make me read this, if you need help we can help you. It is not too late but it is getting damn near close to it. That stay in the hospital was because of alcohol. Your deterioration in health is because of the alcohol. You have an addiction, you have the gene. You can not cut back, you have to quit. Don't let these words fall on deaf ears, do not stand behind a wall of denial because you must know that something is not right. Not being able to move and kidney failure are not small things. You have serious problems and you need serious help. I will be here if you need me just start by asking for help. You have to want to change and if you are not able to do that then there is nothing anyone can do and I will be reading this eulogy very soon. I do not want eulogize you, I want you to see me get married, I want you to see your grandkids, I want you to live. Please look in the mirror and face reality.

(sorry for anyone that reads this, it really should be private, but I think I will just throw it out there. I am seeing him this friday, I think I will give him this before I leave)