I don't like a lot of things. But there are certain things on a day to day basis that irk me. Like everyday I think to myself why would you do that? What is wrong with you?

A couple example happen on my morning commute. I take the bus and the train everyday. There are just certain things that are common sense and part of the morning or after work commute, these are like guidelines, stuff people should adhere to when commuting. First off, when the bus pulls up, wait for the people that are on the bus to get off first. Bastards start running on the bus into a sea of oncoming traffic. Let them clear out then make your mad dash to your seat. Is that really something people need to be told? Doesn't that just kind of make sense? Apparently not as, some people just have that need to rush on in there, like a retarded salmon, not only going against the current but also against the direction of all the other salmon. You should also not stand right in front of the door when you wait for people to exit. See it kind of works better if you aren't blocking the path of people trying to leave the bus.

Concerning the train part of my commute. My first problem starts with me going down the stairs. There are usually escalators and the unwritten rule is, if you want to just stand there and enjoy the ride stand to the right side. That way people that are in a hurry, or about to miss their train can walk down the left side. It's not a one lane thing going on. It's exactly like the freeway (don't get me started on driving) slow people move to the side. Don't post up in the middle or stand by side with your co-worker and have a nice chat. Also when the train is at the platform and you are in the walking lane, you need to move with a fury. If you were not in my way I would be leaping down like 5 stairs at once and if I miss this train because your are shuffling slowly in front of me, I will consider pushing you down and using your body as an urban surfboard. I will ride you down those stairs and have no remorse if it means I make my rain on time.

Once inside the train I have problems as well. I don't like people who don't move to the inside seat, like oh I am saving this seat for my invisible sense of entitlement. Ok, I understand doing this if you are about to get off and don't want to get boxed in, I actually look for these seats when I get on in the morning because I take a short nap, most people get off before me and I don't want to have to get up to let you out. So you can sort of get a pass from me on this. But what goes along with this and gets no pass from me is the people who put their bags on the seats. Like my luggage needs a seat but you, a human being must stand. That shit bugs me, like this isn't your luxury train car, this is public transportation, put that shit in your lap and clear some space. Also don't spread out like you are relaxing in your hammock reading a paper and take up two seats. Just be mindful of other people. This all seems like common sense but people are assholes, I mean I am an asshole too, but I don't act like I own the train. I may lay my head on your shoulder while I nap, or suddenly pop awake and shout "Don't touch my strudel!!" But at least once I come to my senses I will apologize for the outburst and ask you politely if you would like part of my strudel or to pet it. There are several other things I don't like about my commute, loud headphones, no headphones, cell phones, loud conversations.

I even take issue with how loud the dude says the station name. Some fuckers just yell that shit, like ok, man I know where we are chill. It's a microphone, I think they were created so people wouldn't have to yell to amplify their voices. When I use my loudspeaker to announce the contents of my backpack for the day I don't yell, I find it's much creepier to whisper and sort of crouch down close to the ground. Elongate random letters like, "Todayssssss backpack contents areeeeeeee" *shuffles through bag* "Chewed gum in a wrapper!!!" "Now who wants it, if you guess what kind it is you can have it, no? no takers?" Then I usually just toss it to someone give them a wink and say, "thank them for coming out tonight." Then they say something like I am just trying to go to work and it's not nighttime it's 7 in the morning. I usually reply by mumbling something inaudible, end it with "and that's that!!" Before pulling out the t-shirt launcher and pelting people with crumpled up soiled undershirts.

On the flip side of being to loud, some of the guys whisper the station name and I wake up in the wrong city. Oh well at least my kids won't find me here I think to myself giggling with glee and rubbing my hands together. No more daddy can you unchain me I have to go to the bathroom, or can I up my food rations and have two kidney beans instead of one tonight because I have a soccer tournament. They are called rations for a reason child, because if I didn't ration your food, I wouldn't be able to afford my collection of exotic urinals and 24 karat gold body paint.