Myspace

Myspace is pretty useless. I think most people know this, but still find a reason to sign on everyday. Who knows what they do there, maybe browse stranger's sites, trawl for 14 year olds or old high school classmates you never really wanted to talk to anyway. Just add random celebrities so that you can fill out that extra page and have more friends. You don't really know Kurt Russel, he is not your friend, take him out of your top 8. I say all of this, yet I am guilty of owning a page, soliticing sexual favors from 12 year olds in Arkansas and having Patrick Swayze in my top 8. But at least I feel guilty about it. You people, you carry on like you aren't ashamed. When I click on your page and "Unchained Melody" starts playing, your slide show induces epileptic seizures and your background starts gyrating with chanel advertisements I die a little inside.

My site is simple. Felicity background, countless surveys like, my favorite food is, craziest place I have eaten a skittle, and if I was a narcoleptic monkey which Golden Girl would I be. Just the facts, those important things that you need to know, I am a pepsi gal and prefer clam chowder baths to showers. That is actually the only thing you need to know about me. Maybe that and the fact that wherever I travel a flock of seagulls comes with me. This could be related to my bathing technique but I think it has more to do with the fact that the band is out of work and I can be marvelously entertaining with a couple shots of tequilla and a nice pair of hot pants. Sometimes we just stay in but mostly we drag the strip yelling at sailors and tourists. I was informed that this was called "soliticing sex" and carried with it some kind of legal ramifications, but when the long arm of the law approached I just plugged my ears and rocked back and forth. When I opened my eyes, the band was gone and I was sprawled across a pool table several miles from where I thought I had been. Oh well that's the life of a gypsy I suppose.

So anyway back to myspace, I find the most useful thing is to post comments about people. Not that this is useful in anyway I don't know why I phrased it that way, but it is entertaining. So if you would like, you can become my myspace friend and I will post a comment about you. The comment will have nothing to do with you as a person, it will have nothing to do with our relationship and it will have nothing to do with reality. Here is a sample of a comment that is waiting to have your name filled in it.

(Your name here) hey lady last weekend was awesome. Don't worry about my neighboor, he said that he won't press charges but he did ask that you at least remove your thong from his tree. On another note next time you don't have to yell, "Look at me, look at me, I am doing the naked robot." We can obviously see that you are doing the naked robot, by announcing it so loudly you only draw the attention of the neighbors and ruin the fantasy that you are a naked robot. I mean if you are going to say that at least say it in a robot voice. Hope to see you again soon, next time we should only sacrifice two gnomes, we almost lost the moonlight last night. Call me!!

This is an actual comment sent to a friend. He messaged me with something like,"Yo wuddup son, what's crackin wit you. Holla atcha boy." His page has messages from rap stars and other people that talk this way. He is a dear old friend so I sent him this comment.

Hello my dear chap. I hope this finds you well and the weather blessed. Everything is going a-ok on my side. The crops have just come in and the sun looks spectacular peeking up over the mountains. Virgina and I have started to teach Abner the ways of the farm, rising early and putting his nose to the grindstone. Funny story actually, he thought I meant it literally and damn near shaved off his entire nose. Oh well, I tell him he can smell better without all that skin in the way. Anyway, we should get together, maybe pick some mullberries for pies or cobbler. Maybe fly kites at the beach or maybe just stay in and bake some bread, I'm down for whatever. I did just get a fabulous recipe for bananna bread though...

So feel free to become my friend and get comments like this.