Amy Sol

Man I just love Amy Sol's work. It is just so haunting and it, just gives me chills. I want to buy a piece just so I can stare at it all day. These are from her latest show in new york at the Aidan Savoy Gallery. You can see the whole show at this link. http://www.aidansavoygallery.com/next.html

Am I wrong? Or does her stuff not rule.



Seriously, I know my excellent art critiquing skills and expository notes on its composition can be hard to follow, but just simply stating it. I dig her stuff.



This is one of my new favorites.

I smoke out with my cat all the time. What?? Like you don't.

I look like a pretty asian girl and stand with my cat like this all the time. Wait a minute, I lied. I don't have a cat. The first part remains steadfastly true. I stand resolute in my conviction. I'm surprised you didn't know that





So I just felt the need to share Amy Sol's genious.

Myspace

Myspace is pretty useless. I think most people know this, but still find a reason to sign on everyday. Who knows what they do there, maybe browse stranger's sites, trawl for 14 year olds or old high school classmates you never really wanted to talk to anyway. Just add random celebrities so that you can fill out that extra page and have more friends. You don't really know Kurt Russel, he is not your friend, take him out of your top 8. I say all of this, yet I am guilty of owning a page, soliticing sexual favors from 12 year olds in Arkansas and having Patrick Swayze in my top 8. But at least I feel guilty about it. You people, you carry on like you aren't ashamed. When I click on your page and "Unchained Melody" starts playing, your slide show induces epileptic seizures and your background starts gyrating with chanel advertisements I die a little inside.

My site is simple. Felicity background, countless surveys like, my favorite food is, craziest place I have eaten a skittle, and if I was a narcoleptic monkey which Golden Girl would I be. Just the facts, those important things that you need to know, I am a pepsi gal and prefer clam chowder baths to showers. That is actually the only thing you need to know about me. Maybe that and the fact that wherever I travel a flock of seagulls comes with me. This could be related to my bathing technique but I think it has more to do with the fact that the band is out of work and I can be marvelously entertaining with a couple shots of tequilla and a nice pair of hot pants. Sometimes we just stay in but mostly we drag the strip yelling at sailors and tourists. I was informed that this was called "soliticing sex" and carried with it some kind of legal ramifications, but when the long arm of the law approached I just plugged my ears and rocked back and forth. When I opened my eyes, the band was gone and I was sprawled across a pool table several miles from where I thought I had been. Oh well that's the life of a gypsy I suppose.

So anyway back to myspace, I find the most useful thing is to post comments about people. Not that this is useful in anyway I don't know why I phrased it that way, but it is entertaining. So if you would like, you can become my myspace friend and I will post a comment about you. The comment will have nothing to do with you as a person, it will have nothing to do with our relationship and it will have nothing to do with reality. Here is a sample of a comment that is waiting to have your name filled in it.

(Your name here) hey lady last weekend was awesome. Don't worry about my neighboor, he said that he won't press charges but he did ask that you at least remove your thong from his tree. On another note next time you don't have to yell, "Look at me, look at me, I am doing the naked robot." We can obviously see that you are doing the naked robot, by announcing it so loudly you only draw the attention of the neighbors and ruin the fantasy that you are a naked robot. I mean if you are going to say that at least say it in a robot voice. Hope to see you again soon, next time we should only sacrifice two gnomes, we almost lost the moonlight last night. Call me!!

This is an actual comment sent to a friend. He messaged me with something like,"Yo wuddup son, what's crackin wit you. Holla atcha boy." His page has messages from rap stars and other people that talk this way. He is a dear old friend so I sent him this comment.

Hello my dear chap. I hope this finds you well and the weather blessed. Everything is going a-ok on my side. The crops have just come in and the sun looks spectacular peeking up over the mountains. Virgina and I have started to teach Abner the ways of the farm, rising early and putting his nose to the grindstone. Funny story actually, he thought I meant it literally and damn near shaved off his entire nose. Oh well, I tell him he can smell better without all that skin in the way. Anyway, we should get together, maybe pick some mullberries for pies or cobbler. Maybe fly kites at the beach or maybe just stay in and bake some bread, I'm down for whatever. I did just get a fabulous recipe for bananna bread though...

So feel free to become my friend and get comments like this.

Chicken??

I am Chinese, well part Chinese the other half of me is a mix of cougar and German mongoose. I state this fact only to cover up the fact that this post may sound racist. Trust me it is. I went to lunch today at a Chinese restaurant. Sometimes I have a problem when I eat at Chinese places. It all has to do with trust. As I sit there eating the sweet and sour chicken I find myself questioning certain things. The chicken is tenderized, breaded, and then fried. Now I understand this changes the consistency, I mean obviously the tenderizing part would explain why it doesn't feel like chicken, but I still find myself wondering. Is this really chicken?

You could seriously bread up anything tenderize it, fry it up and drench it in sauce and I am sure it would feel the same. How do I know exactly what kind of meat I am eating. This is where the racism and trust issues comes into play. I know some cultures eat rats, dogs, shit even bats. I myself have never had any of these meats, therefore I would have no idea what they taste like, and in effect could eat them without realizing it. Cat has to be cheaper than chicken and it is edible in certain places. Although probably not many, and it could be more of an overblown stereotype. But what is to stop them fromjust grabbing some other animal instead of the stated chicken and frying it up. I mean basically anything could be eaten if you wanted to. Horses, pigs, salamanders, whatever it is I am sure it is eaten somewhere. I just hate it when I take a bite and doubt that what I am really eating is what it was labeled as.

But if you really look at it the designations for what is acceptable to eat it is weird in the first place. What makes a certain animal acceptable to consume? Why pigs, which are filthy animals, over say a cat which is probably much cleaner? It has to do with attachment I suppose. The projection of a personality and intelligence upon an animal, makes it less ok to devour. But I heard pigs were smart.

Another things is what parts are ok to eat. I am guilty of discriminating between what parts of an animal I will eat. I was at my girl's house one day and they had some food on the stove. She asked me if I wanted some and I said alright. Of course I asked first, "what is it?" she responded, "Oh, it's just some beef." Cool I thought to myself that is acceptable. So I got a bowl and started mashing on it, like eating a lot, thinking mmmm this is good, I likey. I finish eating a good amount and I look over to see my girl just smiling at me. Kind of that weird mischevious smile, the kind that says you don't know what you just ate. This fact was confirmed by her saying, "Do you know what that was?" Ohhh shiiiiit, what the fuck did I just eat I thought. "I thought you said it was beef," I said. "Well it is, it's a part of the cow." "What, what is is?" I anxiously inquired. "It's cow tongue," she said still smiling that evil smile. Awwww man, what the fuck, that is gross, I thought. Sure I was a little pissed but I liked it. I am not saying that I will purposefully eat it again, but I don't know why the stigma of eating cow tongue would make it less appetizing. Ok actually I do, it's a god damn cow tongue. But I have to admit that it tasted good and was very tender. It reminded me of that scene in "Funny Farm" when Chevy Chase sets the record for most Rocky Mountain Oysters eaten. "Wait a minute the rocky mountains don't have oysters." Hahaha, yeah he just ate a ton of cow balls. But once again he liked it. So does thinking something is gross, play that much of an effect on eating it? I suppose it does, but you kind of realize that is bullshit after you unknowingly eat it and enjoy it. Then the only thing stopping you from eating it is being stubborn and having this unnatural aversion to it. It has been experienced and you enjoyed it, now why would something mental hold you back from partaking in it at another time? You know it's good despite what you are thinking in your head, but it's that mental block of, fuck dude I am not down with eating the tounge out of animals that stops you.

Anyways I was just thinking about all of this while at lunch today. Seriously I don't think that was chicken. The only thing stopping me from enjoying the meal was that mental nagging, of what the fuck are you eating. Which as I stated before is kind of dumb. Maybe it is more of the wondering that bothers me rather than the actual consumption. If they had told me it was rat meat then maybe I could enjoy it more? Im going to go with no, maybe it is better to wonder. But this leads back to the you enjoyed rat meat argument so I see no end in sight for this dilemma. Perhaps I should just stop going to shady ass Chinese places.

http://www.slate.com/id/2060840/ (Good article about whether or not dogs should be eaten. I like this piece as it argues how its just cultural differences. I should have talked about this more in the beginning but, my thoughts were more about me getting grossed out by being fed stuff I wasn't sure about. Please read this and open your mind. We have no right to tell another country not to eat something. Hindus don't stop us from eating cows, why should we regulate what other countries eat. It's closeminded and ignorant. It's an american-centric view. I am all for personal freedom, whether it be what you eat, what you wear, who you date, whatever, just let people have their own views. I choose not to eat dog, but that's just me, please don't eat my dog, but if you want to have a snack, who am I to stop you.)
http://www.messybeast.com/eat-cats.htm (eating cats)
http://www.animalfreedom.org/english/column/dogmeattrade.html (Eating dogs again, but against it)
http://www.damninteresting.com/?p=281 (I guess you shouldn't eat bats)

Stinkytown should only have a population of one

Soooo, this is disgusting. These are conjoined toilets. Now is that hot or what?? Not sure if it is real or just a prototype but whichever one it is, it shouldn't exist. If you need to be this close to your signifigant other while in the act of number one or number two you have serious seperation issues. It's cool dude, I'll just see you when I get out. Oh nah, really I'm fine I can handle my bizz on my own. Just out of general courtesy I would not subject anyone to the activities that transpire while in the bathroom. In my opinion, stinky town should only have a population of one. There is nothing that needs to be discussed that can't be taken care of when you aren't deficating or pissing. There is no need to hold hands or lock lips while the smell of shit wafts between you two. The soft tinkling of urine lightly splashing in the water below will not bring you closer. You sick fucks, whoever buys this is gross. Not just because of this but it points to an overall grossness. The kind of fooffy foofy affection and I love you more, now hang up kinda shit that makes me sick. Trust me if you buy this toilet you are one of those assholes. The have to make out in public, getting hickeys, holding hands no matter how many kids you end up clotheslining. Doing intricate dances through crowds just so you never release your grasp on your signifigant others sweaty ass palm. Let it go people, stop it, save it for the bedroom, and keep it out of the bathoom. You weirdos...

I have returned

I haven't written in awhile. I am not even going to act like anyone has notcied or apologize like everyone else does when they come back from a hiatus. I am just going to say, if you are ever in a bus and you think the nun across the aisle is asking to be tickled, she probably isn't. Trust me, she probably just has indigestion or is dreaming of her long lost love that she left for a life dedicated to god. If you tickle her, it will lead to court dates, trials, restraining orders, a whole bunch of crap you don't want to deal with. I still have to do community service.

Speaking of my community service, I was really hoping to do more than just pick up trash. I was thinking more along the lines of serenading senior citizens or puppet shows espousing the use of condoms and the threats of std's. I actually still have my chlamydia puppet in my closet from the last beauty pageant I participated in. I just have to find my burning urine and open sore puppets and then maybe I can start booking venues. Would anyone be interested in a show? The routine is not beauty pageant approved but that's just because it was too forward thinking for them. They actually screamed when burning urine puppet shot his silly string at them. I mean sure it is meant to evoke a reaction but more of a welcome than a panic. Who doesn't like to be draped in silly string? I'll tell you who, a bunch of make-up caked, conservative, chastity belt wearing, religous zealots. Spitting out their canned answers, "Peace on earth, puppies for everyone blah blah." Ok, so I am still a little bitter, but only because I was the rightful owner of the beet queen crown of 1986. I would give up all of my dancing queen trophies for that one beet queen crown. But alas it shall never be and we must strike forward, noses upturned and pinkies out.

So besides that other exciting event on the bus there hasn't been that much going on. I founded a travelling choir that specializes in Neil Diamond covers. Right now it's just me and this homeless guy Larry. I think he is just lonely though as he doesn't participate with the singing as much as the asking for money. He really shines during "Sweet Caroline" though. I start of with the "Sweeeeet Caroline" and then I point to Larry with my best wiggling jazz fingers and he comes in with a "Ba dump dum dum" and then back to me, "Good times never seemed so good" and back to Larry "So good!!, So good!!" You get the idea. We really are a sight to see. Though we have gotten some complaints and people make fun of Larry saying he just mumbles stuff and isn't really singing, but I tell Larry they just don't get us and he usually responds by mumbling something I can't understand. But whatever the case may be, I think we make a fine duo. I keep telling Larry it's not about the money, I say, "Money Schmoney Larry, money schmoney." He just kinda growls back at me and then holds out his cup. Then I just pat him on the head and say, "Same time tomorrow partner," and Larry says , "Hrmmpghh" or something to that effect. I smile and skip away waving as I make my way down the street and out of sight.

So, as you can see signifigant things are starting to happen. That's all for now. Here is a link to some random comics and drawings from an awesome site that has prints, shirts, fucked up valentine's day cards and other goodies. I would post pictures but flickr is now blocked at work. Down with censorship!!!!

http://youyesyou.net/

R.I.P. James Borwn

I have neglected this site, mainly because nobody reads it and also because it is exactly the same as my other page. I am having a hard time living this double life. Like when one of your two girlfriends calls and they just say, "Hey" and then I am like oh shit which one is this, say something that will identify yourself you wretched wench. Curse you and your games, how am I supposed to know who I am speaking to? Actually it's nothing like that. So anyway here come some old posts from my other page.

Is it my fault James Brown died? I changed my profile picture awhile ago, just because I liked the picture. If I had known that I would have caused the demise of such a great and soulful man I would have gone with the Nick Nolte mugshot. I apologize to the world for robbing them of such a national treasure. The man who could calm riots, do the side splits and rock the same hairstyle for almost his entire life. I almost went to go see him in Reno last year, I regret not going now. It just seemed like such a far drive and then I was thinking that he wouldn't be the James Brown that I would have expected him to have been. I am sure it would have been a great show, and I should have just gone. Now I will never have the chance to see him. So once again if using his picture for my profile pic, is what caused him to die I apologize. I never meant to hurt him or his fans. It's almost as bad as that time I stood up during the NBA playoffs and I caused my team to miss that three at the buzzer. I should have just stayed seated. Such a dumbass. Now the picture seems more relevant as opposed to random, but if I change it I could possibly kill someone else. I am torn so for now the picture will remain. It will remain as a vigil, a tribute, an apology to a great, great man, with a very long rap sheet and some crazy tendencies, but god damn was he photogenic!! R.I.P. James Brown, I bid you adieu....

Batman is the Head of the Russian CIA

So apparently the reason Batman hasn't been seen in awhile is because he is too busy running the Russian version of the CIA. What's that you say the Russians have their own version of the CIA? Well you probably didn't say that, your question probably related to the mention of Batman or something. You would totally think something like that, I know your kind, bashful and stoic on the outside a real powder keg of burnt radish and mesquite grilled burlap bags on the inside. Who is even reading this? It doesn't even make sense. Carrying on as I was taught to do by my former lover and teacher Mister Timothy Gunn I present the evidence that Batman is a Commie. What the hell is that you say? Well I will tell you but only after you stop stroking my hair. Stop doing the eyelash thingy too, it's kinda creepy. So this, my sacrilegious lethargic abba loving dancing queens is the logo for the Russian version of the CIA. Except it can't be called the CIA because that would be known as biting. The Russian government does not bite, they have their own thang going, nah mean?? Yeah so they are called the GRU or something, I dunno, read about them here from the article I bit this picture from. http://www.ridingsun.com/posts/1136444340.shtml Here is another picture of Putin saying "Whaaaaaat??" As he takes a tour of the new intelligence agency's building. I am pretty sure that's what he is saying. Because unbeknownst to you I can read Russian president's expressions with 94.2% accuracy. One time I thought he was thinking "This turkey is scrumdiddliuumptious." But in reality he was thinking about his favorite episode of Growing Pains. Hey nobody is perfect. You would have thought the same thing...trust me. Anyways here is the picture. He is like whoa that is totally a Batman symbol..or something. So who's idea was this? Why would the Russian government want their CIA to have the Batman symbol? I mean sure he is the dark knight, he has a gay lover, a butler and the ability to kill people ninja style but I still don't get it. It's like the American CIA symbol being Captain America's shield or the FBI becoming the justice league. It's just crazy talk. I would like to work for the DEA if they had the X-men symbol and we go to wear tight leather outfits and fly around in a jet. But that is beside the point, It seems weird to appropriate an American pop culture icon as the symbol for your spies and agents. It's like an 8 year old was their graphic designer, he just said who is the coolest toughest baddest assest peronius you can thinkus ofus. That's how 8 year olds talk right? Or is that a bad imitation of Latin? Either way, it's total comic book geeking out. Especially if they have jackets or hats made. It also is not a good way to not draw attention to your agency. Which could be the point, since there are goobers like me writing about it now and comic book guy virgins applying for their agency right now. They probably already have their capes. Anyways just thought I would share this, I thought it was extremely weird and oddly amusing, kinda like when you see an old person fall and struggle to try and get back up, while young mohicans keep knocking them back down, their shaking arthritic hand reaching for their cane while the Mohicans circle poking, prodding and laughing callously, kicking the cane just out of reach. The withered frail body gasping for air, their eyes tearing up from frustration and confusion, I thought there was only one of you left they shout at no one Mohican in particular? You're not Daniel Day Lewis...