Wait I Don't Get it?? U laughing, I No Understand.

Are we too sensitive?

Check this article here http://www.nypost.com/seven/12092006/gossip/pagesix/rosie_to_asians__loosen_up_pagesix_.htm

(A Rep for O'Donnell said, "She's a comedian in addition to being a talk show co-host. I certainly hope that one day they will be able to grasp her humor.") Stolen from the article

I am kind of more insulted about this statement than the whole incident. What kind of shit is this? Just because we don't laugh at grade school taunts used by ignorant ass bullies and morons we don't get your humor? Oh no we got your humor, we got that shit when we were seven and kids pulled their eyes back and said this bullshit to us. Forgive me for not thinking this shit is hillarious, obviously your comedic stylings are far too superior for my feeble intellect to grasp. The more I think about it the angrier I get. I mean how deep and nuanced is this humor that we can't grasp? Is this some cutting edge comedy that we have fallen behind. Am I like the old fucker sitting in my wheelchair staring blankly at Conan while shaking my head and wishing for the days of Dick Cavott? Is that even how you spell that guy's name? Whatever, I know that I can understand funny, even if i don't laugh I would get the implied humor. That shit wasn't funny. Masturbating bears are funny, making fun of someone's language by mouthing off a bunch of made up words is not that funny. I mean seriously that is truly playground humor, it's the equivalent to sneaking under someone's desk tying their shoelaces together and watching them crumble to the floor in a heaping lump of tears and anger. Ok, actually I think that would be funny. But I digress, back to the point.

Don't say stupid shit that isn't funny and insults people and then insult them more by insinuating that they are too dumb or slow to understand the humor. Or was she pointing to our cultural differences, maybe the joke was lost in translation? Maybe this fat person humor is outta my league. I mean if i walked up to her and said ho, ho, ding dong, dounut, fatass lesbian, boston creme pie, I wonder if she would laugh. Probably because as I would be saying this stuff I would stumble towards her with my arms forward like frakenstein, kinda bellowing out each food item, hooo hooo, arrgghhh, ding doooong!!! kinda rolling my eyes back in my head, tounge sort of hanging out zombie style, and then when I was close enough I would tickle the shit out of her. Literally I wouldn't stop until she shit, and if you think that's gross then you are probably too stupid to understand toilet humor. Ever heard of shits and giggles? Of course you haven't retard, it's only like one of the oldest schools of comedy, practiced in like the 14th century or something. Anyways, after we are all tuckered out and had ourselves a good laugh we would lay down on the sidewalk together and have a cigarette or something, maybe eat a rack of lamb or two. Maybe play with each others hair, discuss other things asian can't grasp, like their small dicks or the ability to navigate a car. Good times, goood clean fun, intelligent humor Rosie, intelligence is the key. These morons out here they don't get us, they aren't sophisticated enough. Fuck it, it's not because we aren't funny it's because they are too fucking dumb to understand our shit. You don't get me buddy, that's all on you.

Now I don't really think Rosie is racist. Gross, yes but I think that she just doesn't understand that that kinda shit is the stuff that makes you different growing up as an Asian American. A lot of Asian kids have been singled out with this type of insult and to all of the people saying lighten up, get some tougher skin, you have no fucking clue what you are talking about. This all goes back to the notion of the perpetual foreigner, the "orient vs the occident," the classification of asian americans as other. If you actually care you can look at Edward Said's essay on Orientalism for a discussion of the classifciation of asians as the "others" and how this seperation is something that asian americans have to deal with now. There are historical ties to all racist insults and none of them should be taken lightly, and nobody has the right to tell someone they shouldn't be insulted by something. Personally I don't take this shit that hard, it rolls off now, but by perpetuating this type of thing it just continues a cycle of unecessary seperation and marginalization. I'm all about the kiddies, Trick Loves the Kiiiids!!! I have to admit I laughed when Dave Chapelle said the same thing in the Rick James skit. I even repeated it, so that could just derail my whole rant. I am also a racist bastard who hates everyone so I don't get easily offended. What got me was the response and people's comments about how asians should lighten up and blah blah blah. Just don't tell people what they shouldn't be insulted by. You have no place to say lighten up if you are not the people that were attacked. Just stay out of it, let them cry if they want, it will make them feel better and they obviously feel that way for a reason. It's just the defenders or Rosie that irked me.

Here is an example:

"There is more than Rosie that impersonates Asians like that. It's not making fun it's just something that I've heard people doing for years."

Ok, so making fun of a race for years somehow means that it isn't racist anymore. Is there a staute of limitations on insulting races? Oh chink dates back to 1872, that shieet isn't insulting anymore use it all you want boys that insulting tag wore off years ago.

Here is another one

"calling out whites constantly for being racist because "we don't respect historical context" is such utter bullshit - i'm living in the present baby, and this is what's happening right now."

Yeah obvioulsy this is happening right now too. This was in the news yesterday!!! You obviously don't understand historical context either. This happens a lot, trust me, it probably is happening on some playground right now....uh baby.

We need more people like this guy

"I'm surprised people are actually defending her. What she said may not have been overtly racist, but it was still offensive. I think the worst part is that she isn't even trying to apologize. She doesn't need to make some big statement about it, but she could just take 10 seconds on the View to say she's sorry for offending anyone. If someone had made fun of a gay man by using an effeminate voice, you know Rosie would be the first one to freak out."

totally agree....I think i'm done, what do u guys think?

Mickey Tong and Angry Woebots

Painting By Angry Woebots. I am a fan, good stuff, just thought I would share. Look him up if you like paintings of killer pandas.

This is awesome as well, if I do say so myself. very deep painting too, according to the artist. I just liked the look of it. It was done by Micke Tong. There is an explanation about the painting and the construction of it here http://www.artheadsf.blogspot.com/ and his site is here http://micketong.com/ check em out.

Give Thanks Bitches

How were your holidays? Well I guess holiday. I guess Thanksgiving would be more to the point. Sorry about giving you the run around I need to be more direct in my questioning. I need to stop being so feeble and demand answers instead of politley inquiring about such things. Because as we all know showing weakness will eventually lead to a mutiny and those are never good. Unless you are part of the mutiny and you are overthrowing a crazy dictator type who wears a monocle and jabs you in the ribs with his cane while ordering you to sing Judy Garland showtunes and churn butter. That's when mutinys are ok in my book.

Do monocles always make you think of Mr. Peanut? So after I worte that last sentence about Mr. Peanut I tried finding a picture of Mr. Peanut and stumbled across this madness. Click this link and make Mr. Peanut dance, http://www.planters.com/dancing/ Why is he dancing? I have no idea, it doesn't make me want to eat peanuts, but it does make me hate Mr. Peanut. Damn you, Mr. Peanut with your style, class, obvious wealth, and undeniable rhythm. I am jealous. Whenever I try and do outdated dances from the nineties I always incur the wrath of the room. The scorn of the cool people. You make getting jiggy with it an art form, I dare them to laugh at you. It will only show their own lack of style and sophistication. Or as you dear sir would call it Sophistifunk.

Ok so back to the holiday of thanksgiving. I feel like Americans have too many holidays. Or maybe not too many but too many that are undeserving. I mean, I am all for as many holidays as we can make up, but some of them just seem to celebrate historical atrocities. Thanksgiving is a very nice idea but how long did these people actually give thanks to the native americans before they slaughtered them and stole their land? Was it just that one year after they saved their asses from the cold and harsh winters in their new land? After they got set up they just said fuck it, we don't need those damn injuns anymore, we can now feed ourselves. The way it is now people just say things they are thankful for in the present day. It doesn't even relate back to the first winter here or the people that insured the survival of these first americans. It's all about Timmy being thankful for his cat or Jenny being thankful for the block, wait what? Nevermind I am just saying that all of the holidays have little to nothing to do with why they were first created.

Colombus day is probably one of the worst ones. I mean i don't ever remember paying respect to him for discovering America, all I know is that I get a day off and I am all about days off. But really now, this guy was lost. He didn't even know where he was, and even when they told him he was still talking about it being somewhere else. Granted he probably didn't understand what they were saying but I don't know if he ever knew where he ended up. So this guy gets lost, starts calling the natives indians and then starts claming their land and enslaving them. Now that is what I call reason for a celebration. Am I right? Let us forever commerorate the enslaving of these peoples and the stealing of their land. Awesome guys, keep up the good work. In the meanwhile I will just relax and be thankful for my day off.

These Analogies Rule Like a Ruler...wait a minute

These are freaking awesome. I don't know if they are real or fake but they are hillarious. The vocab seems too good to be high school students on some of them but man they made me laugh. Stolen from here http://writingenglish.wordpress.com/2006/09/12/the-25-funniest-analogies-collected-by-high-school-english-teachers/
I wish I could write stuff as funny as these kids. They are some of the greatest humorists ever.

The 25 Funniest Analogies (Collected by High School English Teachers)

I have to share these “funniest analogies” with you. They came in an e-mail from my sister. She got them from a cousin, who got them from a friend, who got them from… so they are circulating around. My apologies if you have already seen them.

The e-mail says they are taken from actual high school essays and collected by English teachers across the country for their own amusement. Some of these kids may have bright futures as humor writers. What do you think?

1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a ThighMaster.

2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.

5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.

8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife’s infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.

9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.

10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.

12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan’s teeth.

16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.

18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long it had rusted shut.

19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.

25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

We don't attack Mer-babies

I had anoher post that I was going to put up but then I felt really really bad. It was a picture of a mermaid baby followed by my asshole remarks about Prince Eric or Tom Hank's love being able to save the child and transform it into a human. The more I thought about it the more fucked up it seemed and now I just feel bad and hope the baby ends up ok. So in lew of sad asshole cheapshots at a poor baby I will share this picture I stole of the milky way. Infinite beauty seems to cheer me up. I love staring up into the night sky. I do it for hours, laughing menacingly and shouting "I will conquer you all!! Try and anal probe me buddy, see what happens." I imagine what would happen would involve lots of crying and hours of showering and scraping my skin off with a brillo pad while rocking back and forth crying. A broken defiled human. Yeah you don't want to mess with that you intergalactic bastards. Especially when I keep calling you just to chat. I thought we had something, I thought we shared a connection something besides those wires and that cold cold metal probe. I saw it in your eyes, I am sure the cuddling and the hair stroking is not protocol. You love me just admit it. Let's ditch these people that look down on our relationship. They don't understand our love, they never will. Flee with me beyond the stars. Cosmic lovers living at warp speed, just like Thelma and Louise...sorry got a little carried away. Here is the pic and at the bottom a link to the story that I had enough class not to make fun of. Damn right I am classy, do un-classy guys eat over the sink or get all of the napkins they use from fast food places? I think not, un-classy people don't even use napkins.

here is sad baby story
http://spluch.blogspot.com/2006/11/mermaid-infant.html

WTF???

Why is this blog turning into a blog? It used to be creative writing and a smattering of bullshit spewed from my disjointed and increasingly decrepid mind. Now it's crazy links stolen from other sites and penguin obsessions. I think I just like posting pictures. Oh that combined with the fact I have no creativity and I am out of hallucinogenic drugs. Shipment expected tuesday, expect ramblings about Orange soda and Velcro. As for now look at these declassified pictures of floating islands in the bermuda triangle. Are these for real? How the hell could they be? Photoshop? David Blaine? David Copperfield? David Allan Grier (Does anyone remember him?) X-men? Islands that get high? Who knew me and islands had so much in common. We should really get together and have some philisophical debates while floating in the clouds. I am sure an island provides much better conversation than my collection of dead meerkats or the hobos that I drug and dress up like characters from Alice in Wonderland. Behold floating islands followed by stolen text explaining them. Well not really explaining them, how the fuck do you explain floating islands.

"(Washington, DC) Unusual images of the Earth have occasionally been uncovered after declassification of hundreds of thousands of spy satellite images by the National Imagery Mapping Agency (NIMA). In one of the more spectaular images, gathered on May 25, 2005, the apparent levitation of at least two Caribbean islands above the surface of the ocean was captured (above).

The islands are located in a large region popularly known as the Bermuda Triangle. The spy satellite imagery clearly shows shadows cast by two of the islands on the ocean surface in such a way that can only be explained if the islands are levitated above the ocean surface, in one case by approximately ten miles.

Officials at the two major satellite spy satellite agencies were contacted for comment on the finding. An unidentified source at the National Security Agency said, "We have no comment on the possible levitation of one or more Caribbean islands". Another manager at NIMA, who also refused to be identified, added "We have no comment on the possible levitation of one or more Caribbean islands"."

Stolen from here http://www.ecoenquirer.com/levitating-islands.htm

Since it is a humor site it could all be bullshit, which it looks like but what do I know? Levitating islands really aren't that abnormal. I once saw a whole town float by me. A whole town populated by nubile young models shouting "I wanna have, like 10,000 of your babies." True story, and that my friends is the reason I could be your father.

More Penguins

It seems that I have become obsessed with penguins. To tell the truth this is not really anything new. When I was a wee youngin I actually had a penguin themed birthday party. Not sure how old I was but there was a penguin shaped cake, a penguin shaped pinata, and fun games like pin the tail on the penguin. Knowing what I know now about their pooping pressure I don't think i would attempt to pin the tail on that thing lest i be doused in a milky stream of penguin defication. Another thing that points to my penguin obsession is the fact that I was a penguin for halloween. This all may sound like lies but in actuality it is the truth. Very strange that I have made these last two posts about penguins without even thinking about my love for them as a child. So I may have been a little harsh on them in my last post, because in reality I love the little fockers. Their whimsical walks, their soft feathers and the way they snuggle up under your arm after a nice long late night romp. Watching the sun rise off the shore of thailand, sipping rum from coconut shells and singing brown eyed girl. Ohh those were the days. I'm looking at you Gertrude,more than anything i miss your beak, you remember, call me. Ok enough of that, sticking with the all penguin blog theme I have going here is a nice little video of a penguin going shopping. My pet goes shopping for me too, it's not really anything special, just thought I would share. You can watch it here, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p2Nc1kvAF3A&eurl= and giggle like a school girl when you see his little backpack and his sexy waddling ways. I know I did. I also started convulsing and woke up wearing a satin robe holding a pair of garden shears and wearing someone else's wig. But that probably won't happen to you so click away.